


All The Roads You Took Came Back To Me

by Emono



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon-Typical Violence, Cause Freddie is a freak like that, Falling In Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Lives, Romance, Rough Sex, memories as dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-24 16:51:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13815390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emono/pseuds/Emono
Summary: Auston and Freddie have met in their past lives, in possibly a hundred past lives. Soulmates are rare but there's no other word to describe what they are. Auston has been having dream-memories of his soulmate since he was a teenager and when he gets drafted onto the Toronto Maple Leafs he thinks he's one step closer to finding his soulmate. Then Freddie Anderson pushes up his mask and smiles at him and -Fuck. His soulmate is on the same team as him. Auston thinks Freddie doesn't want him, doesn't remember him like he remembers Freddie, and tries to pretend like he's not falling in love with him. As it turns out, Freddie's falling right back. The boys are dumb and try not to be dumb and they're written in the stars for each other.





	1. Chapter 1

Reincarnation wasn’t new. It was a phenomenon that had been going on since recorded history. Souls were recycled, sometimes with the same features from a former life. The same set of eyes, birthmarks lingering from scars received in a past life, or hair color cropping up in a genetic line it had no business in would appear.

 

Books upon books upon thesis papers upon essays upon children stories were written about reincarnation. Everything from trashy romance novels to sitcoms centered on it. The smartest and brightest of mankind theorized that the average person went through two or three reincarnations before their souls completed their journeys and fulfilled their purpose (or whatever religion you chose said on the subject of The End.) But some souls had longer journeys, more purposes to search for, more goals to reach - some were just more _stubborn_.

 

Credible sources of people, that were believed to have lived several lifetimes, reported dreams of what they believed to be memories. It was a common occurrence but the details varied from person to person. Sometimes they were flashes but others were full of grueling, horrifying details. Life and death, love and loss, families come and gone but always believed to be true.

 

In those lifetimes they brushed other souls, forging connections so strong they carried into the next life. And the next. And the next. Brushing and clashing and scrubbing together to form ties that couldn’t break. _Soulmates_. It was the stuff wet dreams were made of and teens wrote about in their diaries, something to keep you warm at night when the whole world seemed against you.

 

They were rare. Studies had been done on it as long as humans had been able to write at length. People were naturally curious and yearned to find some kind of code or formula to find soulmates. All that was known was that a soulmate was rare. If one were to have one, the odds were staggeringly against you finding them. Those that had reported that there was a connection felt after interacting with their soulmate described the bond as a physical ache and a mental tug, a longing. Not all soulmates were romantic but they were strong. It was undeniable.

 

Auston had been having dreams about his soulmate since he was a young teen. They started out vague enough but as he worked his way into hockey they became stronger, gaining detail with every step he took toward the NHL. His dad said it was because he was getting older but his mother swore that it was because he was on the road to uniting with his soulmate. She was a romantic, yes, but sometimes she’d cradle his face in her hands and swear he’d walked this earth a thousand times. He confessed his dreams to her, sharing in whispers all the love he felt from someone he didn’t know the face or name of. He was scared at first because he was sure it was a man, over and over he knew the flat chest and square jaw of someone who could be nothing but. His mother didn’t care. If anything she held him tighter and kissed his temple with that much more love.

 

_“He’s calling to you so strongly. I know you’ll find him.”_

 

And Auston believed her. He’d never heard of someone dreaming about their past lives every night, nevermind about their soulmate. So he listened to his mother and tried not to worry about it. He focused on hockey and trusted that his dream would lead him to his soulmate.

 

Maybe if he plastered his face onto every TV screen in the nation he’d find his soulmate even faster.

 

o0o0o0o

 

Auston was beyond thrilled to be the number one draft pick. It was everything he’d ever dared to hope for. The first step of his dream was happening and it was going to be with the Toronto Maple Leafs. He’d been maybe hoping for the Coyotes but his mom had boxed his ears for voicing it and calling him ungrateful. That had stung so he’d snapped his mouth shut and counted his blessings.

 

They’d gotten a few other recruits but Auston hadn’t really had time meet everyone like he’d wanted. There were a bunch of hoops to jump through being an American going to play for a Canadian based team. He was equal parts terrified and thrilled to get to play in the big leagues but there were hangups. He had to find somewhere to live, pack up his stuff, get in touch with Babcock and Lamoriello once he got there, and do all the paperwork that couldn’t be done through the mail or fax. There was a lot to negotiate coming to a new team, stuff that had to be done face to face.

 

Unfortunately, it took a lot longer to get to Toronto for all that face to face stuff because his passport got tangled up in red tape. It took a while to unknot everything and get him permitted into the country. He just wanted to get started.

 

o0o

 

_He swore he’d been watching the eggs. He’d mixed them well and folded them at appropriate times but they still seemed determined to burn in patches. He poked them with the spatula and sighed in defeat._

_“Smells good,” a voice chuckled in his ear. Sleep-warm arms curled around his waist and a chin hooked over his shoulder to survey the mess. He leaned into him and pouted. “I could’ve made breakfast.”_

_“You always do it. You work so hard, I wanted…”_

_“You’re perfect,” the low voice rumbled. Comforting little kisses were pressed all along his nape until he relaxed. His stomach was rubbed and he finally smiled. “I’ll handle this, babe.”_

Auston woke with a full body buzz. He smiled lazily as the memory lingered like a reluctant lover. He kept his eyes closed and savored the ghost of his soulmate’s touch along his stomach and neck. It had felt so real that looking into his now empty bedroom felt like a shock. The kitchen in his memory had been warm tones of browns and reds unlike his stark white apartment.

 

Those arms…

 

Auston bit his lip and brushed his palm over his morning wood. What time was it? Today was his first practice but if he had a few minutes he could-

 

He caught sight of his phone on the side table and the screen had lit up from a text. He saw the time and kicked wildly at the sheets.

 

“Motherfucker!”

 

o0o

 

By the time Auston cut ice with the team for the first team, everyone seemed to be bonding and getting along. Laughter carried across the ice, chirps already flying as they ran drills, the _slap_ of passes meeting followed by proud hoots. Auston expected to feel strange coming in after everyone was already starting practice. He knew everyone had been informed he was coming and what had happened with his passport. He didn’t expect any ill will but his heart was still thumping nervously against his ribs. He’d had a stomach full of rabid butterflies all morning and he hadn’t known why. The dream shouldn’t have shaken him so much. It was a tame sort of memory.

 

Sometimes the dream-memories that were more recent lives set him on edge. He tried to push it down for now though. There was no time for it. Mitch Marner and Willy were already waving him down. They’d been texting him nonstop since he hit Toronto trying to make him feel welcome. He waved back and skated out with his head on straight.

 

This was a rough start but it’d be fine.

 

“Auston,” one of the coaches greeted as they skated up to him. He shifted his stick and plucked his glove off to properly shake hands with the man. “I’m Steve Briere.”

 

“Mr. Briere, the Goaltending Coach, yeah, of course,” Auston greeted quickly, trying to keep his handshake firm. He’d done his research and he wanted to make a good impression.

 

“It’s Steve,” the man chuckled. He had a nice smile and it put Auston a little at ease. “It’s good to have you on the team. You’re late so we have a little tradition here. You can join regular practice after you score on our practicing goalie.”

 

Auston glanced over at the net where number 31 was sliding from one end of the crease to the other, clearly warming up. He was in full gear so Auston couldn’t see his face but he was moving quickly.

 

“Curtis already went through his rounds. Score on Freddie and you can join the rest of the guys.

 

Hours of highlights and game footage flicked through Auston’s mind and he swallowed thickly. “Score on _Andersen_?”

 

“Yep,” Steve insisted, patting his shoulder. “Good luck.”

 

Auston was going to need it. He didn’t much care for the Ducks but he’d seen enough to know Andersen was one of the best. He’d seen Andersen’s name on the roster list for his team (and wow, it was still weird to think of the Leafs as _his_ team) and he’d been elated. A good team was nothing without a good goalie. He trusted that if he did his job Andersen would have his back to block shots.

 

But now he had to score on him.

 

Andersen must’ve known because when Auston scooped up a bag of pucks and headed toward him he crouched defensively, glove up and stick taunt. Auston pushed down the fresh burst of butterflies, steeled his jaw, and dumped the pucks. “You ready?”

 

Ice blue eyes glittered behind the mask but he didn’t get a response. That was as good as any.

 

It was a horrible grind trying to get a puck through. Andersen was a fucking wall with eyes in the back of head. Auston tried everything, staying back and rushing hard and everything in between. Andersen didn’t give an inch. He made Auston work for every close call. Every drop of sweat stung like failure. Auston knew some of the other guys had stopped their drills to watch but it didn’t matter.

 

He had something to prove. His world had narrowed down to him and Andersen. There was something tight and fierce stuck between his ribs and he skated twice as hard to shake it loose. It stayed but he kept shooting and shooting until-

 

“Fuck yes!” Mitch hollered somewhere behind him. Auston dropped to a knee and pumped his fist like the damn goal siren was going off. The puck hit the net so solidly under Andersen’s right arm that he swore he could hear it. He did a victory circle around the net with his arms up, grinning wide as some of the guys smacked sticks or clapped for him.

 

As he was circling fast around Andersen’s right, the goalie flipped up his mask and shot him a grin. “Good job, Matthews.”

 

Auston felt like he’d been punched in the chest. Andersen was flushed and dripping sweat, panting and probably dehydrated, with ginger hair stuck to his forehead, and Auston had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life. Those eyes...he knew those eyes. And that holy Goddamn mouth. That shade of blue, that lip shape, even the certain shade of red hair - they’d all carried through the years. The _lifetimes_. He’d seen Andersen before, yes, but never in person close enough to smell and touch. The unknown soulmate that had starred in a hundred dreams suddenly had a face. Neurons lit up, synapses firing, his fucking _soul_ caught fire and all the dreams made sense.

 

Even that voice…

 

Auston tripped over his skates and fell backward onto the ice. He halfass caught himself to keep from busting his tail bone and all the while he gaped at Andersen. Jaw practically falling onto his chest, Auston kept sliding along the ice from the momentum until his back hit the wall. He grunted from the impact but didn’t really feel it.

 

All that bullshit was true. It felt like a physical fall into love. His heart did flip flops and he swore he felt a tug toward Andersen like he was being reeled in. He felt like his pupils had become hearts as he gazed at the man because _yes_ , this was what he’d wanted. An instant, an audible _snap_ of a bond connecting after who knows how many lifetimes they’d been apart. Maybe it was just one, maybe they met like this every time.

 

God, he couldn’t wait for Andersen to meet his mother. He could help Auston decorate his apartment or maybe they’d just find a place together. This was perfect they could carpool and have meal plan approved meals together. They’d pick out a couch big enough for them both and everything was going to be fine because he found his _soulmate_.

 

Except he didn’t see any of what he was feeling on Andersen’s face. There wasn’t a trace of recognition. Andersen’s smile twisted into a frown of concern as he hesitantly skated a little closer, glove out. “Are you okay?”

 

 _He doesn’t know_ , Auston thought wildly. His eyes prickled with tears and he didn’t know why. That punched-out chest feeling felt more like a fist now and it was squeezing. Didn’t Andersen recognize him? There was no way he was alone in this. Except…

 

Except as Andersen got close, realization started to dawn across his face. His eyes rounded out and he drew his hand back. His mouth opened and closed a couple times like he wasn’t sure what to say. Andersen looked Auston over, slow and deliberate, and then the shutters closed on that icy gaze.

 

“Fuck,” Andersen cursed bitterly, deliberately backing away.

 

Auston fled. He ruined his skates on the concrete and ignored the calls of his name. _He doesn’t want me._

 

o0o

 

It wasn’t the right thing to do. Auston made a few phone calls from his rented car and prayed he hadn’t ruined anything with the team. He claimed jet lag and bad take out, that he’d gotten sick and dizzy and had acted rashly. Babs and everyone else seemed concerned but he promised them he’d be okay by tomorrow.

 

“I just need to rest one more day. I pushed too hard,” Auston lied.

 

_“We told you to take the time you needed to settle, Auston. I hope this isn’t a future problem we’ll have where you burn yourself out trying to do what you think we want.”_

 

“I won’t, sir,” Auston promised vehemently. That he was sure of.

 

It was stupid to run but he’d seen Andersen shutting down and he couldn’t bear it. It hurt to think that maybe his fucking _soulmate_ was about to turn him down. He read a whole unwanted conversation on that stoic face. It had all happened so fast. He’d been dumbstruck, awed, and on the verge of being elated when Andersen had seemed to finally understand what was between them.

 

Auston took the day to push down all the hope and daydreams about what he’d wanted his soulmate to be. He laid in bed and buried his face in the pillow as he built a wall around his heart brick by brick. He went through the labor of showering, cooking, and unpacked his clothes all while repeating to himself that this wasn’t going to happen. It was a mantra and he tried to impress the words on his traitorous soul.

 

Maybe Auston would meet someone else? They could fill all the spots he’d hoped Andersen would’ve been in. Making meals, playing video games on his couch, washing his back in the shower, curled around him at night...maybe someone else would come along. It wouldn’t be a soulmate but at least he wouldn’t be lonely.

 

That thought lasted about ten minutes before his stomach cramped up. Okay, so maybe not.

 

They’d be friends and that would be fine but Auston was going to do it on his terms. The thought of rejection made his stomach churn so he constructed a speech for the next day. He wasn’t sure his heart could bare to listen to Andersen list all the reasons this was a bad idea or worse, explain that he didn’t want him. There was a huge age gap between them, for one. Maybe Andersen didn’t like guys this time around or maybe he had a serious girlfriend, or boyfriend, or wasn’t looking for anything serious until retirement.

 

Whatever the reasons were, Auston didn’t want to hear them because he refused to cry in front of his new teammate even if he happened to also be his soulmate. He’d let Andersen know how it was going to be and he wasn’t going to mention the dreams. They could do this, they _had_ to do this, and they couldn’t tell anyone. Auston could manage the heartbreak and let down if it was just the two of them but he couldn’t let anyone else know.

 

Auston had to handle this now and cut it off at the root. If Andersen didn’t want to be together in this lifetime, fine. Auston could do that. He just needed space and time.

 

That’s what he kept telling himself even as he threw up what little dinner he’d managed to choke down.

 

o0o0o0o

 

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Auston asked firmly as he cornered Andersen in the locker room. The goalie had his lower gear on but had been messing with his phone, paused in his routine as he texted someone. Andersen nearly dropped his phone at the sound of his voice but caught it with both hands, knuckles white.

 

They were as alone as they were going to get in a locker room before practice and this was the only time one of the guys hadn’t been attached to either of them.

 

“Yeah, of course.”  
  
  
  
Auston’s lashes fluttered at the sound of that voice but he re-steeled his resolve and forced himself to keep talking. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t know until then. And I assume you know too? Good.” He barrelled on over Andersen’s tight nod. “We’re not going to tell anyone.”

 

Andersen jolted at that. “What? Not-”

 

“No, not anyone,” Auston pushed relentlessly. His stupid heart felt like it was threatening to break so he had to keep going. “Hockey is the most important thing and we won’t risk that. I get it. We won’t let it get in the way. It won’t be a problem on my end so I expect the same from you.”

 

Andersen’s brow was pinched up and he had a pained frown. He opened his mouth to say something but Auston just nodded and stood up like it was over. “You don’t even want to-?”  


  
“ _No_ ,” Auston bit out. “I’m glad we have an understanding. What happened yesterday won’t happen again. I’ve had my time to get used to it. Obviously you’ve already had yours.” _Obviously you don’t want me._

 

“Auston-” Andersen tried again.

 

“I’m sorry,” Auston interrupted, fingers tight around his gear bag. “I’m...sorry it didn’t work out this time around. Sucks. But hockey comes first.”

 

If he repeated it enough times maybe it’d be true.

 

Auston started to stick his hand out to shake but decided maybe touching Andersen right now wouldn’t be for the best.

 

“Maybe next time, man,” Auston forced out with a smile that looked more like a grimace. He tapped his shoe against Andersen’s skate and gave him a nod before walking off.

 

Auston was halfway through changing when he had to run to the stall and lose his breakfast. But he merely rinsed his mouth out and forced himself to concentrate on lacing up his skates. He was going to make this work if it killed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Practices and the first of the pre-season games go well. Slowly but surely Auston started to really bond with the team and that included his soulmate. Andersen became “Freddie” and they go from civil to friendly but always kept a distance. Unfortunately, the dreams don’t stop, if anything they come etched with even more detail. Freddie’s stupidly handsome face was always in them, slightly different each time but always with those same unnatural eyes. 

 

Auston struggled more than he’d originally calculated to think of Freddie only as a friend. But as he started to listen to and hear about Freddie he realized he didn’t know anything about him in _this_ life. Freddie was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger with the soul of someone he felt like he’d loved a hundred times over.

 

As pre-season started to get really under way, Auston tried to concentrate on forming at least a comradery with Freddie. It wouldn’t do them any good to be weirdly strained. As much as he’d like to steel himself away, lock up his heart and keep his mouth shut, Freddie was on his team. Auston had told himself a hundred times that he’d made this work, and a thousand times more that hockey came first. 

 

He could do this. He’d promised himself and his mother and, albeit silently, Freddie. He was going to live his life to the fullest and not worry about his past selves. He had Freddie in at least one way and that was probably more than he’d gotten in some of his past cycles.

 

He was going to make the most of it, even if it wasn’t as much as he’d hoped for.

 

o0o0o0o

 

It was so stupid early. Everything was still grey and blue behind his blinds and he didn’t want to investigate further. Auston was cold but was too lazy to put anything else on besides the boxers and soft Arizona shirt he’d slept in. He’d turned on the news before tucking himself against the arm of the couch to bask in the haze the night had left behind. He yawned and dug his knuckles into his eyes, only half listening to the TV as he happily indulged in the details he could remember of his dream, his old memory.

 

It was unmistakable Freddie. Slicked hair, a ratty leather jacket around his shoulders, a fucking _cigarette_ between his lips. He’d been leaning against a tricked out red motorcycle. The sun caught off golden stubble on his jaw, the metal hump of the bike, the fan of his lashes as he looked at Auston with dark intent. _‘Want a ride, sweetheart?’_

 

It was a scrap of a memory. He wasn’t even sure if he’d said yes. The blond hair had been a surprise but he’d known those eyes. Before his soulmate’s face had been a blur but there had been full details since he’d met him. It wasn’t like it was Freddie’s face photoshopped on bodies but it seemed like his brain knew what to look for now. Like whatever was giving him these memories (his soul or whatever) was letting him see the last piece now, keeping him from driving himself on an insane man hunt to search for those last details.

 

So Auston let himself enjoy the little buzz he got from the memory before he had to stamp it all back down like he didn’t care. He choked on a yawn when there was a knock at the door. He had zero clue who the hell it would be this early so he dragged his feet getting to the door. He peered through the peephole and the last tendrils of sleep evaporated. His hands clenched into fists on the door and he swallowed down a gasp of surprise. 

 

Freddie. Fucking Freddie was shifting from foot to foot outside his door at six AM like he’d been invited. Auston jumped back from the door and mouthed ‘fuck’ as he tried to think of what to do. He could ignore it but that would be rude. Freddie obviously knew he was home. They had morning skate in just a couple hours, where else would he be?

 

The next knock was softer, more uncertain like Freddie knew he was freaking out. Auston took a few measured breaths and counted backward from ten. He closed his eyes, pushed down the dream, and opened the door.

 

“Hey,” Freddie greeted quietly. It sounded like the first words he’d spoken all morning. The edges around the word caught on Freddie’s tongue and he cleared his throat, raising the gifts he’d brought. It was a steam filled tupperware of what looked like a protein scramble and a bottle of juice. 

 

Auston opened up the door more and made a motion for him to come inside. Freddie obeyed and Auston let himself linger on relocking the door to give himself another round of breathing and counting. He turned back around to see Freddie setting the breakfast on the counter. He had a sort of half smile on his face.

 

“What’s all that for?” Auston asked, aiming for lightheartedness. 

 

“I didn’t know if you’d had time for groceries yet,” was the easy reply.

 

“It’s been three months,” Auston snorted in amusement. “I hope I have my life together enough to have food in the house.”

 

“You’re young.” Freddie shrugged a little, hands in his hoodie. “I worry.”

 

“Don’t.” The word was soft but it stuck in Auston’s throat. It was a plead, a weak command, a last ditch effort to keep the distance between them. Freddie had brought over a homemade breakfast out of the goodness of his heart and it _hurt_. He looked longingly at the tupperware and it felt like pressing on a bruise. The way Freddie dropped his head and shrunk his wide shoulders only felt like pressing harder. 

 

“Can I ask you a question?”

 

“Will you leave if I answer?” Auston’s voice quivered. His ribs were trembling, feeling vulnerable and desperate only in a t-shirt and boxers. He felt naked in more ways than one. 

 

Freddie was more perceptive than people gave him credit for. He picked up on Auston’s vibes and backed off. He shoved his hands back into his hoodie and looked off to the side, shoulders trying to hunch even more though he was practically folding himself in half. There was nothing about Freddie that was threatening but that scared Auston even more.

 

It felt _good_ to have him here.

 

“Do you have dreams?” Freddie finally asked.

 

Auston kept his jaw clenched as he nodded. He was afraid what he’d say if he let mouth relax.

 

“Me too,” Freddie admitted. He teeth caught his lip and the man looked fucking _guilty_. It plucked at Auston’s heartstrings. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just come over like this. I don’t have any right to...I’m sorry.” 

 

Freddie nearly ran out of the apartment and Auston had to bite back a yell for him to come back. He reached out, stared longing as the door shut, but couldn’t. This was so wrong. Everything was so _wrong_. Freddie had only ever been nice to him despite the first rejection. He didn’t deserve to be treated like that. He was a good man with a big heart who guarded himself just as much as Auston did. He wasn’t being fair to him. 

 

Auston plucked up a spare plastic fork from his endless take out supplies and opened the tupperware. It smelled amazing. Perfectly cooked egg and sausage, spinach, bacon, some kind of pepper and green bits, and when it hit his tongue there was savory spice that lit up his whole mouth. He swallowed the first bite and felt warm all over. It was delicious. Tears welled up and he blinked them back for a second bite. 

 

Freddie was such a good guy and Auston was so fucking stupid.

 

o0o0o0o

 

_ Auston could hear the rumble of the train through the music in his headphones. Every seat was full so he was left standing holding onto a pole. He rocked and swayed with each turn but he didn’t mind. He rode the train every day, this was nothing new.  _

 

_ Except the hair on the back of his neck was standing on end. Someone was watching him. There were plenty of assholes on the train. He’d been jostled and grabbed and screamed at by all kinds of people. He could outlast any creep.  _

 

_ After a couple stops he went from annoyed to curious. He wasn’t anything special to look at and he wasn’t even carrying a laptop. There was nothing to steal and nothing to ogle. He sucked in a breath to gather his courage before sweeping his gaze around the car. His eyes connected with one person. He was the only one not on his phone or asleep.  _

 

_ Startling blue eyes and a handsome jaw, a deep set brow, and the strangest little half smile on his face. Auston couldn’t stop the way his eyes traced the man’s body in appreciation. Ratty jeans hugged his thighs, thin shirt straining across his chest while his jacket struggled to contain the breadth of his shoulders.  _

 

_ Auston felt himself blushing. He went hot all across his cheeks and ears. A sudden bolt of desire went straight to his dick. He shifted to relieve the pressure but couldn’t look away. There was something familiar and hypnotic in the man’s eyes. Once he got his wits back he actually smiled at the man. _

 

_ His stop came up out of nowhere. He weaved through the rush of the new people, swaying toward the other side of the car, and felt something against his ass. He stumbled out of the train and shot a glare back through the doors but they were already closing. _

 

_ He checked his back pocket and there was a new scrap of paper folded there. He rubbed his thumb over the number written. _

 

A hand on his shoulder ripped him out of the memory. Auston sucked in a noisy breath as he tried to get his bearings together. Right, he wasn’t on a train, he was on the team bus. Mitch was leaning over him and his fingers were rubbing soothingly at the shoulder he’d been shaking. 

 

“You okay, buddy?” Mitch asked, nearly pouting. 

 

“Yeah, it was just a dream,” Auston assured him. He blanketed Mitch’s hand and gave it a squeeze before batting him away.

 

“A memory?” Mitch needled. Auston rolled his eyes and his friend started full on pouting. Being on a hockey team was like being in high school sometimes. Rumors were flying about Auston’s “old soul” and Mitch in particular was always eager to hear about his dream memories. He was curious. Mitch complained all the time that he’d never had a memory. The guys joked about him having a baby soul. Auston felt bad when he saw Mitch withdraw and sulk and wonder in late night confessions if he’d ever done anything in the past worth remembering.

 

“Yeah,” he relented.

 

Mitch beamed. “Shit, man, what was it?”

 

The team had mostly shuffled off the bus but Auston sought out the only one he wanted to see right now. Thankfully Freddie had dragged his ass getting off the bus so he was still in the aisle. He was pulling down his bag and the play of his shoulders under his tight shirt had Auston flushing as hot as he had in the memory. Freddie stretched to his full height as he pulled on his hoodie and Auston admired the sight of a pale hip where his shirt rode up before it disappeared.

Mitch shifted into his line of his vision and he had to shake off the tingle of his dream. He managed to smile at his friend. “It was kind of boring. I was riding a train is all.”

 

“Did you remember anyone?” 

 

“Yeah, one person,” Auston admitted.

 

Mitch was all but wagging. “Who?”

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Auston lied. He shoved playfully at the man’s shoulder. “Move your skinny ass, already.”

 

o0o0o0o

 

The rumor mill was going fucking nuts over just a handful of interactions where he’d let slip that he’d seen someone familiar in his dreams. The guys weren’t stupid and they were putting two and two together. It wasn’t hard to figure out if you were paying attention but he didn’t think they’d care if he had a soulmate. He got that subjectively it was fascinating but mostly it annoyed the piss out of him. Maybe he’d be more amused or flattered if he and his soulmate were actually joining like they should.

 

His teammates were getting brave enough to start asking about it. They were casual enough, going for flippant, and they meant well but still. It was starting to get under Auston’s skin. There was so much he was trying to keep under wraps and every question about his soulmate threatened to unravel it. He wanted to tell everyone about Freddie. He loved his soulmate. There wasn’t a memory he had yet that made him ashamed of what had been between them in any lifetime. He wanted to gush about him, to be open and honest because he was so fucking _proud_. 

 

But Freddie didn’t want him like that. They’d agreed not to tell anyone so he kept his mouth shut.

 

Except Connor - good, sweet natured, kickass Brownie - took it a step too far. It was before a game and Connor dropped onto the bench beside him with that pretty smile. He had a black eye from the day before taking an elbow during practice but that didn’t make him look any less pretty.

 

“You know what’s great about playing the Blackhawks?” Connor asked, strangely chipper. 

 

“That I get to wipe Towes’ ugly face all over the ice,” Auston growled as he fixed his garters. “Smug fuck.”

 

“Well yeah, but Blackhawks games have the highest attendance. They have a ton of stats to back it up,” Connor rattled off. “You must be psyched, right? Your soulmate could be out there _right now_ wearing your jersey!” 

 

It felt like a kick in the gut. A choked out sound left him at the thought of Freddie wearing his jersey, cheering him on, and how that would never happen. 

 

“Hey!” Freddie snapped. The whole team shut up and heads snapped toward the goalie. He looked furious and Connor flinched away from Auston like it would help. “Shut the fuck up with all that, you’re making Auston uncomfortable. We have a game to focus on so get your head in it.”

 

The team sharpened up after that and Auston had never been more grateful for his cool headed soulmate. Him blowing up on Connor wouldn’t have helped them.

 

When they cut ice, the crowd lost its mind even though the cameras and lights weren’t on. They loved hockey in Chicago thanks to the Blackhawks. Auston was determined to show off his game and prove the Leafs merit but there was something else first. The team started to warm up and he skated over to where Freddie was low in a lunge to warm up his legs.

 

“Thank you for back there,” Auston said as he got down on a knee beside him. “You didn’t have to.” 

 

Freddie shrugged with one shoulder, mask flipped up so he could look out at the crowd. “I don’t want them giving you a hard time.” 

 

“I appreciate it.”

 

Freddie let a few heartbeats pass between them. “Mitch says you have dreams.”

 

All the guys talked about his dreams. They made up stories over what could be going on when he woke up mumbling or gasping or (that one time) crying. He never told them details but they still liked to joke around. So this kind of opening was Freddie asking if he could ask a more intrusive question, one he thought would upset Auston. With the thrum of pre-game adrenaline he wasn’t sure anything could hurt. “I do.”

 

Freddie didn’t move, didn’t breathe. His stare was distant but it was obvious all his focus was on Auston. “Do you have dreams about me?”

 

Auston really wished that Freddie would hate him. He would think about it sometimes to try and ease the heartbreak in his chest. Anger would be so much easier than his soft affection, this quiet fondness when he didn’t deserve it. If they hated each other maybe he could salvage a trade and be done with it. They could have a big blow up and part ways. Auston would outlast Freddie in the league by age alone. Maybe if there was something bitter and spiteful to cling to he could lie to Freddie and they could pretend like he didn’t dream about him every night.  

 

“Yeah.”

 

Freddie nodded and started back up on his stretches. He had that strange half smile on again and Auston had to force himself not to stare. He thought about that half smile all night and the conversation stuck with him even after a humiliating loss. He got stuck behind Boz and Kadri getting off the bus so he had to run into the hotel to catch up with Freddie. He spotted the goalie in the last elevator and hauled ass to squeeze through the doors just before they shut. He knew he’d have a bruise where his bag had been smacking against his back but he didn’t care.

 

Freddie looked up from his phone, eyes wide in surprise, but Auston had to catch his breath for at least two floors before he got his voice back.

 

“Do you have dreams about me?” Auston puffed out in a rush. The thought had haunted him the whole game and he couldn’t let it go any longer. He kept imagining himself in past lives filling in Freddie’s dreams with kisses or more and it drove him crazy. In a way he’d be jealous if he was there but mostly he was selfish. He didn’t want to be in this torment alone.

 

Freddie’s fingers tightened around his phone. “Auston-”

 

“Please?” Auston pleaded. He knew that tone. The truth slipped out in a desperate tumble before he knew what he was saying. “I dream about you every night, Freddie. I just need to know.”

 

“Of course I do,” Freddie husked, as sincere and ardent as Auston had ever heard him. A frown twisted his mouth like he was almost offended Auston would suggest otherwise. Auston relaxed and a sort of understanding passed between them. 

 

They were almost to their floor.

 

Freddie cleared his throat. “Maybe, if you want...we can talk about them sometime?”

 

Auston wanted to say no, that it was too much and too testing on his control, but couldn’t summon the words. The doors opened and thankfully the hallways was empty in the moment. A few guys had their doors open but no one was outside. 

 

“Okay. Yeah,” Auston relented. He kicked his shoe against Freddie’s before running off. He didn’t even have the balls to look back.

 

This was a big step he hadn’t meant to take. The fear of rejection twisted his stomach up into knots and he hoped it wasn’t a mistake.

 

o0o0o0o

 

_ Auston kept shooting little looks at the barista but kept them short enough that he didn’t get caught. The man was absolutely gorgeous and he was having a hard time not gawking. He had this gorgeous flare of wild red hair and the thickest spatter of freckles across his nose. It was the same barista that was always in and Auston’s sole reason to keep coming back to this tiny hipster shop that was way out of his way home from school.  _

 

_ They made small talk and the barista was smart but had a quiet voice. He had strong opinions but trouble making eye contact. He was a sweet guy and Auston was enamored. He’d practiced pick up lines with his roommates to try and maybe the ask the guy to dinner but so far every time he got in line he blanked. Instead he ended up stuttering his order, blathering about whatever essay or book he had for class that week, and then try not to get caught staring until his coffee was ready where he would then beat a hasty retreat. _

 

_ But today Auston had ordered his coffee for in-house. He hoped if he lingered long enough he’d find an opening to talk to the barista and possibly ask him out.  _

 

_ Auston heard his name and hurried to the counter to collect his coffee. He nearly tripped over his sneakers when he saw the graceful heart swirled in the foam of his coffee in it’s signature tan cup. It was beautiful. Beside it sat a paper bag with a sharpie heart swooped on its front. There was a delicious looking brownie inside. _

 

_ “Um, I didn’t…” Auston stuttered out. _

 

_ “You deserve a little something sweet,” the barista insisted, scooting the saucer and bag closer toward him. He still couldn’t look him in the eyes. “I hope you like it.” _

 

Auston woke up with a sharp intake. He blinked into the dark of the hotel room and laid a hand over his heart. It was fluttering like he was in love.

 

“Fuck,” he groaned.

 

Willy shifted with a grunt in the other bed. “You okay, Matts?”

 

Auston made a face, feeling like an ass for waking his friend. “Yeah, man. Just a dream.”

 

Willy groaned and dragged the pillow over his head. “Tell your soulmate to shut the fuck up for a night, okay? We’ve got morning skate.” He muttering something else that sounded like ‘selfish prick’ before the snores picked back up.

 

o0o0o0o

 

The next time they were alone was in the stadium gym two weeks later. An Oilers game was replaying and Auston had a mixed bag of feelings about McDavid getting shoved around on the ice. On one hand, that was his and Mitch’s friend. On the other hand, Auston was the dominant rookie just by keeping his head above water on the ice. He and Freddie watched the game together on side by side treadmills, running at the same rhythm with their water bottles side by side. Some of the other guys had joined them at first but they had trickled out the later it got. 

 

JVR called out to them as he left and Auston took a look around to make sure he was the last one. He turned down his machine and wiped his face with his towel. “Hey?”

 

Freddie immediately turned down his machine to match the casual pace and Auston’s heart ached in affection for his soulmate. “Yeah?” 

 

“Do you remember my name?” Auston asked. He’d been curious about it for a while. In his current dreams he’d sort of just substituted Freddie’s name in, like his brain wanted to simplify all this for him. “Whatever name I have in that lifetime, I guess.”

 

Freddie cocked his head as he thought it over and made a little ‘huh’ sound. “No. I think I’ve heard a name once or twice but I don’t remember exactly.”

 

“I never saw your face before or heard a name,” Auston confessed, eyes safely on the TV. “Now I see it every time. I don’t know the science behind it but they fill in the blanks now.”

 

Freddie made a soft, vulnerable noise but it was quickly smothered up when he wiped his face with his towel. He wouldn’t feet Auston’s eyes even when he purposely tried to catch his gaze. Auston wanted to badly to ask what that sound meant but when he opened his mouth Rielly came in with Connor at his heels and that was that.

 

o0o0o0o

 

_ Their Collie puppies were excited about the fresh fall of snow and were threatening to bound right off their leashes. Auston laughed as they pulled him and Freddie along leaving the most adorable prints behind. They struggled to keep up, laughing and stumbling along the thick snow. The city had been so blindsided by the snowstorm that the plows were way behind. Even the sidewalks were unshoveled.  _

 

_ With the grey of the morning and thick blanket of white, it felt like they were the only two in the world. Not a car on the road, not a person in their quiet neighborhood daring to head outside with so much ice hiding beneath the snow. They lived across the hall from one another and in crazy happenstance they’d decided to walk their dogs at the same time. _

 

_ ‘Do you want to head out with us?’ _

 

_ ‘Safety in numbers.’ _

 

_ They stayed close as they walked their puppies and tried (and failed) to steer them away from the deeper piles of snow. Their shoulders bumped once in a while and Auston hoped he could write off his blush to the chill. He’d been trying to work up the nerve to ask Freddie on a date since he moved in across the hall. So far they’d only walked their dogs together a couple times and he didn’t count that. It wasn’t terribly romantic and his Collie wasn’t exactly the most well behaved. The fact that they had the same breed of dog around the same age was kind of a miracle ice breaker but he hadn’t been able to push pat that.  _

 

_ “It’s so cold my mouth kind of hurts,” Auston complained as the pair of puppies chased each other in circles on a thankfully thinly snowed part of the sidewalk. He tucked his scarf up over his mouth and squeaked when it was suddenly pulled away. _

 

_ “Let me see,” Freddie hummed. Auston’s eyes went wide as the man dragged him closer and made a show of examining his mouth. Freddie had these stupidly beautiful leather gloves that fit tight to his big hands. Auston’s heart beat against his ribs as the man’s thumb rubbed along his lower lip. He felt the contact all the way down to his cold toes. “You look a little sore there, Aus.” _

 

_ “Y-Yeah, I, uh…” _

 

_ “Let me kiss it better.” _

 

_ Freddie was all confidence as he leaned in and brushed their mouths. Their breaths puffed into a mist around their cheeks and when Freddie pressed harder against him, clutching his hip, he could admit that this was pretty romantic. _

 

o0o

 

They lost to the Jets - the fucking _Jets_ \- six to one. Auston wasn’t sure what shook him more, the loss or the memory of the kiss he and Freddie had shared in what seemed to have been a recent past life. He couldn’t shake the dream even through the sweat and blood of the game. The man had looked so much like Freddie too except for his hair had been dark and he’d been much thinner, like an artsier version of the man he knew now.

 

So that’s why Auston was staring at his soulmate so intensely from across the awful, noisy bar his teammates had insisted on going to. All the guys had taken the loss pretty hard. It was difficult losing to what was largely considered a suck-team and they weren’t handling it well. Which is why Auston had a stomach full of fruity mixed drinks, two beers, and a fistful of need. 

 

Freddie looked so damn good sitting there nursing his beer. He had a hoodie on but his shorts weren’t made to contain those massive hockey thighs. They were gorgeous, pale even in the dim light and bulging against the loose edges of his shorts. Auston’s palms were sweaty just imagining being able to touch them all he wanted. And there was no one in the booth with him at the moment. The other guys had clearly gone to pick up a chick or get more to drink or huddle around the pool tables.

 

Auston drained the last of his beer and signaled for another. He sucked down half before he decided he couldn’t take being away from Freddie for one more second.

 

“You did great tonight,” Auston declared as he slid gracelessly into the booth. He had to physically drag himself further in and ended up plastered against Freddie’s side. They were pressed way too close and he breathed in the scent of the soap from the locker room showers and the man’s warm skin. He tried not to obviously sniff him. “Seriously. We let you down, man.”

 

“No you didn’t,” Freddie assured him easily.

 

“Yes I did.” His eyes burned. “I’m sorry, Freddie.”

 

Freddie hushed him gently and wrapped a solid arm around him. Auston felt pressure against his hair that felt like a kiss and warm flushed through his chest. He tilted his head up and Freddie was right _there_. He was close enough to kiss. It would’ve been so easy to just push on the booth bench and close the last bit of distance.

 

Auston’s mouth opened up and ran away from him. “I remember your eyes. You have the same eyes almost every time.”

 

God love him, Freddie actually looked _surprised_. “Yeah?”

 

“Love them,” Auston gushed shamelessly with a husk in his voice, eyes dropping down to the fat curve of his lower lip. It was pink like cotton candy, like pure sugar. He wanted so badly to _lick_. “I love _you_ , almost every time.”

 

Freddie made a sound like a puck had struck between his pads. He was dumbstruck. “Matts?”

 

And just like _that_ Auston was painfully sober. It was a moment of clarity he hadn’t asked for. He pushed himself out of the booth in a mad scramble that left a nasty bruise on his knee to join the rest of them. He grabbed the first person he trusted, and thank fuck that was Rielly, and dragged them towards the door.

 

“I need to get the fuck out of here. Can you drive me back to the hotel or get me an Uber right fucking now, man?”

 

Rielly glanced toward the booth were Freddie was still dumbstruck and couldn’t put it together but all his protective instincts flared up. He proved his letter by hustling Auston towards the front of the bar, an arm around his shoulders and jaw set in determination.

 

“Yeah of course, Matts.” He squeezed his shoulder and muscled through the crowd. “It’ll be okay.”

 

Auston wasn’t sure how to explain to him that it really, _really_ wasn’t okay.

 

o0o 

 

“Auston? Are you awake?”

 

“Unfortunately,” Auston grumbled from beneath his pillow. He’d woken up about fifteen minutes ago with the sun in his eyes and had been hiding ever since. Willy knew he’d be at least a little hungover and had left the blinds open like a fucking asshole. He didn’t recognize the voice at first so he pawed away the layers of blankets he’d burrowed himself under. He took off the pillow and gasped when he saw it was Freddie sitting there on the edge of his bed. He knew he probably looked like shit but there was nothing he could do. Freddie was looking right at his stupid, hungover ass and that was all there was to it.

 

“Uh, hi.”

 

“Hey.” Freddie’s voice was carefully low like he was trying not to make his headache worse. “I brought you some stuff.”

 

He threw his chin toward the nightstand and Auston followed the gesture. There was a hot plate of breakfast there along with water and two aspirin. The bottom of his stomach fell out. Freddie was an angel and a saint and Auston was such an asshole. Fingers brushed back his bangs and he leaned into the touch.

 

“Willy said he couldn’t wake you,” Freddie explained, taking back his hand just as quickly as he’d given it. “You’ve got enough time to eat and down a gatorade before we have to go.”

 

Freddie was already dressed and he was sure their other teammates were busy with breakfast. Auston groaned as the night before came surging to the front of his mind. He almost wished he’d dreamed to help ease the sting of embarrassment. He’d practically thrown himself at Freddie and then said he’d been in love with him in their shared lifetimes. It wasn’t right.

 

“Last night, I...Freddie, I didn’t mean to…”

 

“It’s okay, Auston,” Freddie promised. It was sincere but sad like he was fighting the same heavy-chested feeling Auston was. Freddie turned away from him and put his hands in his lap, watching the way his own fingers laced together. Auston sat up and wanted so badly to touch Freddie’s back, to rub the knot of tension between his shoulders. Truly he wanted to plaster himself against his back and hold on but that wasn’t in the cards.

 

“I dreamed about you last night,” Freddie confessed in a shaky whisper.

 

They never talked out loud about their dreams. Auston felt like a piece of shit. He’d pushed the boundaries he’d set in place and it had obviously taken a toll on Freddie. It wasn’t like Auston was the only one up with sleepless night because of the memories. Right now it seemed like he’d actually _hurt_ Freddie. At the very least he’d made him uncomfortable. 

 

Auston reached for him but aborted at the last moment. “What was it about?”

 

“You were playing in rain puddles,” Freddie murmured wistfully. He took a long breath to collect himself. “You were a lot younger. I think we were in school. You were kicking up water. You turned and looked at me, and smiled.”

 

He turned his head a little, profile highlighted by the sun. “I recognized your smile.”

 

The words shook Auston down to his core. He was still reeling when Freddie got up and left. The door closed between them and Auston dropped down into the pillows. He dug his knuckles into his eyes until he saw spots. The smell of food was stronger than his headache but his chest still felt like it was going to cave in.

 

“Fuck me, man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the amazing response on this fic!! You guys are the best. Hope this one is worth the wait!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this installation. One of the scenes is in Freddie's POV at random so I hope it doesn't throw you off too much. Enjoy!

Fucking Tyson Barrie. 

 

“Fuck you!” Auston barked on the ice. It didn’t sound brilliant or articulate but he backed it up with a power rush that sent Barrie into the boards. He had height and weight on the guy even if they carried it differently. Barrie was thicker in places he wasn’t so he put as much speed in his skates as he could to get inertia on his side. 

 

Except Barrie clung to him and shoved him around into the boards in to a spin that left them both dizzy. Oh yeah, Barrie was used to get smacked around and Auston could barely keep his skates beneath him from the contact. He tried not to chase the birds floating around his head as Barrie screamed in his face.

 

“Fuck you, Matthews!”

 

“Don’t fuck with my goalie, asshole!” Auston shot right back. He couldn’t shake off Barrie’s hands but he wasn’t going to just roll over. Barrie had steam rolled Freddie in the crease and it was bullshit. A skate had _just_ grazed off Freddie’s helmet from the resulting pile up. Auston wasn’t sure what had come over him but a hot flush of rage had come out of nowhere and he’d had to do _something_. 

 

Even if no one knew, Freddie was _his_ fucking soulmate and he wasn’t going to just let him get unjustly fucked up on the ice. 

  
  
“He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself,” Barrie snarked. “He doesn’t need some baby pigeon to defend him.”

 

Auston threw a right hook. It connected and sent him straight to the penalty box. 

 

Later on after the game, Rielly and Bozak cornered him and asked him what the fuck that had all been about. He kind of hunched up and shrugged, trying to look small, but their eyes had been knowing. 

 

“You’re too good to be taking unnecessary penalties,” Freddie had said almost too casually as they headed toward the parking lot. “That’s not your position. Let the D guys do their job.”

 

“Fuck Barrie,” Auston muttered bitterly. He adjusted his bag further up on his shoulder so he wouldn’t have to look at Freddie directly. “He bulldozed you. He was trying to get you hurt.”

 

“They’re always trying to hurt me, Matts. It’s hockey,” Freddie reminded him. “You guys are nothing without me and the other teams know it. I’m invaluable.” 

 

Auston punched him in the shoulder and got playfully shoved in return. He stumbled a little but came back to bump their bags. 

 

“Are you catching a ride with Mitchy?”

 

“Yep. Wish me luck in that death trap of his.”

 

“You’ll be alright, Matts. Night.”

 

“Night, man.”

 

When Auston climbed into Mitch’s truck the other looked kind of surprise. “What’s up?”

 

“It’s just good to see you smiling,” Mitch admitted with a shrug. “It’s the first time all day I’ve seen you look kind of happy.”

 

Auston wondered idly how hard he’d have to bash his head off the window to not be conscious for this conversation. Instead he just shrugged and settled in without reacting, hoping to avoid anymore questions. Mitch knew when to be a good friend so he just pulled out of the spot and kept his opinions to himself.

 

o0o0o0o

 

Auston shuddered awake out of a dream that felt way too real. It took way too long for the memory to fade from his eyes and his dark bedroom to come back into focus. His chest was all tight and it was hard to breathe. He willed himself to calm down. Count back from ten, close his eyes, try to ease the vice in his chest…

 

His phone went off and he almost knocked it right off the stand fumbling for it. It was too dark to see much and his other hand was numb from sleeping on it. He brought his phone up and pulled the charge cord out with his teeth so he could roll back into the warmth of his covers unhindered. 

 

It was Freddie.

 

“Yeah?” He winced at how rough he sounded. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Freddie? What’s wrong?”

 

_“Did you have that dream?”_ He sounded out of breath and wild, like he wasn’t sure what was going on. _“The one with...with…”_

 

“Our kid?” Auston finished weakly. He closed his eyes and the memory was waiting for him behind his eyelids. It had been so simple, a snapshot of a after-school-special life. A wide, green yard with a painted fence and a swingset. He’d stepped out of what was probably his own house onto a nice porch, the sun on his face blinding him just for a moment. The softest little laugh had met his ears and a blur of yellow sundress and chocolate curls came at him. He could still hear the little girl call out for him loud and clear.

 

_ ‘Papa!’  _

 

And then he’d swept her up into his arms for a hug. She’d felt so tiny in his arms. Someone else had pressed up behind him and she’d giggled, squirming happily and pawing at them both for noisy cheek kisses. 

 

_ ‘It’s good to see you too, ælling.’ _

 

Freddie took a shaky breath through the line. _“I swear I can still hear her. It’s kind of messing with me.”_

 

“Me too. She seemed so real,” Auston conceded. He rubbed his aching eyes. “Are you okay?”

 

_ “Yeah, yeah I’ll be...I’m fine.”  _

 

He abruptly hung up. Auston pressed the phone to his ear just a few minutes longer hoping he’d call back but was met with painful silence. Maybe if he buried his face in his pillow long enough he’d forget the little girl’s smile.

 

o0o

 

The next night, Auston got boarded so hard he couldn’t get up right away. It was an unfair hit out of nowhere but the Islanders were assholes with something to prove. One minute he was skating and the next he was sucking in treated ice chips. He was winded and dizzy but he didn’t think he had a concussion. Two trainers closed him in and his nearest teammates formed a protective circle but he was okay.

 

His lungs were just too flat to suck in the breath to tell them that. 

 

Auston shoved his helmet off with a clumsy paw and squinted through the sea of legs to look towards the net. He could hear someone screaming close by, voice cutting through the crowd, and his gut told him it was Freddie. That was impossible though because Freddie never screamed on the ice. 

 

Except that was for sure Freddie screaming in the refs faces, yanking away from their grasping hands as he gestured toward Boychuck. That guy’s stats were a lie because he was older, stronger, and taller than Auston in so many ways. Just watching him try to push off the refs made him dizzy all over again.

 

And Freddie was trying to _fight_ him. He was hollering a flurry of English and Danish at Boychuck. He’d even thrown his gloves. His face was ruddy and he pushed insistently at the growing cloud of zebras until one blew the whistle and he threatened to take him out of the game. 

 

It was the third so Auston was the one who ended up getting pulled out of the game to go through a full concussion check. He got some chirping about ‘protecting the Leafs investment’ but it was all to keep him distracted while they worried if he really had been hurt. He decided it wasn’t worth the fight and let them check his ribs, his pupils, every fine bone in his hands and answered questions diligently. 

 

Babs had a few words for him when the game was over but mostly was relieved to see he was okay. On the other hand, Freddie was so riled up that he made Willy switch rooms so he could board with Auston that night. Auston didn’t have time to panic or make excuses. Once he saw the hard lines of worry etched into Freddie’s brow he found he didn’t want to make any.

 

So they shared a room that night with only half the awkward tension Auston expected. There wasn’t much room for it with all the fire crackling off Freddie. He was prickly, overflowing with a protective urge that made Auston’s heart do that stupid flutter thing.

 

That’s why Auston crawled into the other bed and sat side by side with Freddie. They didn’t touch but they could feel the other’s warmth as they leaned against the headboard.

 

“Every time they hit you I see red,” Freddie confessed, arms crossed and shoulders tense. “Maybe that’s stupid or wrong but I can’t stop it.”

 

“You’re a good friend,” Auston assured him, gaze dropping briefly to the sheets. “Better than I deserve.”

 

“Matts…” Freddie trailed off, suddenly looking so tired. 

 

Auston sucked up his courage and leaned over to brush their shoulders. “Do you want to watch some TV?”

 

The tension suddenly drained out of him but he managed a nod. “Yeah.”

 

o0o

 

Two games later, Auston got high sticked and boarded in the same period. It was rough but he could skate fine. Off his skates he had a bit of a limp and he was certainly bruised up but there was no sign of a concussion or lasting damage. 

 

Freddie still had Willy switch rooms with him again. 

 

Auston didn’t mind. He had a second set of post-game rituals to go through with his shoulder and thigh hurting so much. He rolled out the muscle and iced it, stretching it from the comfort the hotel bed, but in the end all he wanted was room service and enough water to possibly drown in. 

 

Auston started to drool when Freddie disappeared and came back up to the room with a bag of Chipotle. “What’s that?”

 

“Uber Eats,” Freddie replied simply as he handed the bag over along with a water. “I texted Willy and got your usual.”

 

“You are seriously amazing,” Auston moaned as he tore into the bag. No chips, he couldn’t go wild, but it was steaming hot rice and beans and _steak_ and he was sure there wasn’t a happier man in the whole hotel. He physically tore apart the bag to make a makeshift plate on his lap and then dug in with a sudden, ravenous hunger that could only hit after a hockey game. He’d never been more in love or more grateful.

 

Auston was halfway through it when he realized Freddie was standing off to the side of the bed waiting for something. He became mindful of his animalistic chewing and closed his mouth, wiping it with a napkin before he looked up at the goalie. Freddie quirked his lips at him but there was still some kind of tension in the line of his shoulders. He pointedly put his knee on the bed and Auston couldn’t help but admire the way his shorts stretched over the fat of his thigh. 

 

He wondered as quietly as he could what it would be like to sink his nails into them. Or maybe even his teeth. 

 

“Do you want to watch some TV?” Auston asked slowly, deliberately. It felt like they were both asking for more than they ever had before.

 

“Sort of. My head hurts,” Freddie admitted. “I’m not ready to sleep yet.”

 

Auston laid his burrito aside and used one of the wet wipes from the side table to clean his hands. He shifted the pillows around and then patted beside him. “Lay down. I’ll turn it on low.”

 

Strangely it seemed like that was the permission Freddie had been waiting for. He expected Freddie to crawl in but he had to choke down a gasp of surprise as the goalie curled up and pillowed his head on Auston’s thigh. The weight was a shock but warm and welcome. Freddie was a big guy but he curled himself up like one of those big dogs who thought they were a lap puppy. He tucked his hands in and pressed his cheek to Auston’s thigh and practically melted into the bed. 

 

Auston wasn’t sure what to say. He must have made a sound or tensed up because Freddie turned his head up a bit to look at him.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Auston rushed out. His hand was more bold than the rest of him. Without his permission, his fingers carded through Freddie’s hair and urged his head to lay back more comfortably. The man hummed beneath him and went lax once more. Auston felt a thrill of accomplishment as he kept petting through the fine tresses, gentle so not to disturb him. He didn’t want to give him a reason to pull away.

 

Auston rubbing his thumb along Freddie’s temple in what he hoped was a soothing way. “Is this okay?”

 

Freddie hummed again in assurance, lashes fluttering against his cheek as he started to drift off. 

 

Auston flicked the TV on with the other hand and decided maybe he wasn’t that hungry for food after all.

 

o0o0o0o

 

Freddie offered to drive him to the stadium for their game and Auston couldn’t think of a reason to say no. He wondered why Freddie had insisted on coming so early and then he realized they were taking the long way around. 

 

“I wanted to ask you something about the memories, if that’s okay?”

 

Auston slumped into the seat but he smiled nonetheless. They all chirped about Canadian madness but Freddie was relentlessly polite. He was mindful of the boundaries between them but when he pushed it was with utmost gentless like this. Auston found himself more and more dismissing the rules he himself had put in place to keep himself protected.

 

It was like he almost didn’t care if he got his heart broken. They were written in the stars, that’s what soulmates were. If it was going to hurt it was going to hurt regardless. He might as well enjoy the brief time 

they had together. 

 

“Sure. What’s up?”

 

“You said you recognized my eyes.” And thank fuck they never talked about that awful night. “There hasn’t been blue eyes in my family for generations. The fact that I have them and none of my cousins do has always kind of been a laugh with my parents. They call it a freak accident.”

 

Auston snorted. “Do they do milkman jokes? That’s so nineteen-seventies.”

 

Freddie flinched. “My parents fought about that a couple times when I was younger until they got an official paternity test. Then it was a joke.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.” Freddie shook it off and kept going. “I should’ve had brown eyes. It’s dominant and everything and both my parents have it. But you said you recognize them. Do I have blue eyes in my past lives?”

 

Auston took a minute to flick through his old memories and mull it over. “Uh, yeah. I’d say most times you did. Even if you looked completely different I remember that kind of blue.”

 

“I was reading a couple articles about it.” Freddie double checked he had room to merge before turning the car. “Sometimes traits carry through cycles. They’ve done a couple studies on people with older souls like ours and things like eye and hair color carry over.”

 

Auston plucked at a string on his sleeve. Something had been nagging at him since that drunk night and if he was going to ask now was the time. “You said you recognized my smile?”

 

“You smile the same, every time,” Freddie admitted. His knuckles went white on the steering wheel but then they relaxed and he smiled. “You’ve got those dimples and your eyes scrunch up the same, and they kind of sparkle like you can’t contain how happy you are. Your nostrils flare and your nose gets really red if you laugh too long.”  

 

Auston blushed and ducked his head.

 

“Maybe nobody else would notice little things, but I do.” Freddie sucked in a breath through his nose. “I guess I’ve had a lot of practice finding it.”

 

“That’s…” Auston chewed his lip. _That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me_. “Yeah. Me too, I guess. With your eyes.”

 

Freddie patted his knee before going back to driving. Auston’s leg tingled all the way to the stadium. 

 

o0o0o0o

 

_ Freddie had planned a surprise picnic date but the weather had other ideas. Auston had come home to his boyfriend sulking behind the wall of glass doors that led out to the porch and wide yard. Freddie’s house was impressive and he owned a good chunk of land but that didn’t count for anything with it raining sheets outside. _

 

_ Instead of a botched afternoon, they spread the checkered blanket out on the floor and peppered it with couch cushions. They turned off the lights and moved the blinds so they had a great view of the rain. Thunder rolled and lightning flashed as they sat shoulder to shoulder snacking on the finger food Freddie had prepared and drinking wine out of red solo cups.  _

 

_ They their heads tipped together as they talked, laughing and brushing noses. Freddie whispered endearments in his ear and rubbed a hand between his shoulder blades. Auston melted into him and moaned softly as lips brushed along his neck. The rain was loud against the glass and roof, and it wrapped them up like a blanket. They were swaddled away from the world. It was just the two of them here in this moment, just their breaths and their heartbeats. _

 

_ ‘You look gorgeous in this light, musling.’ _

 

The memory stuck to Auston all the way to the plane. It was short but it was a night flight. The guys were worn from back-to-backs and practices so they were ready to drop off pretty quickly to continue the sleep they’d been pulled out of. They’d arrive with the sunrise and have to get settled into a hotel, maybe sleep, but then it was pre-game practice. The grind was nonstop but they were doing okay.

 

Auston claimed the seat next to Freddie. Kadri looked a little put out but just plopped next to Boz instead. Freddie had his toque pulled down over his eyes and looked a couple minutes away from falling asleep.

 

“Freddie?”

 

Freddie pushed up the edge of his toque until he could blink and squint at Auston. The poor guy really did look tired. “Yeah?”

 

“What does _musling_ mean?” Auston asked, trying his best to imitate the way his memory-Freddie had said it. 

 

“What?” Freddie whined, rubbing his eyes. “Matts, it’s two AM, why are you asking about clams?”

 

Auston sputtered, jaw dropping. “You called me a _clam_ , you asshole.”

 

“I didn’t-” Freddie’s frown smoothed out and he laid his head against the seat, slumping back down. “Are you talking about a memory?”

 

“Yeah,” Auston snapped, nose scrunching up. “What the hell kind of pet names do you guys have in Denmark?” 

 

Freddie sighed and smiled fondly. He reached up and rubbed his thumb along the crease between Auston’s brows. Auston shivered at the contact and leaned into it, heart skipping a beat as Freddie brushed back his bangs. It was intimate and easy like they did it all the time. “ _Musling_ means little mouse when you’re talking about someone you love. Is that better?”

 

“Yeah, that’s better,” Auston whispered, biting the side of his lip when Freddie’s hand slipped away. _Come back_. But then Freddie was pulling back down his hat and crossing his arms over his chest to start his nap and the moment was gone. 

 

There was no way Auston was going to sleep.

 

o0o0o0o

 

_ Auston was gorgeous beneath him. He’d thrown Auston down onto his bed and admired how good the boy looked in his sheets. Freddie had barely got the other’s shirt off before he’d been too wound up to wait another second. He hovered over Auston and fisted one hand in the sheet above the boy’s shoulder, the other wrapped snug around his pretty throat. _

 

_ Auston let out a wet gasp and started to squirm. His bare feet slid uselessly against the sheets before kicking weakly at Freddie’s legs. Tears gathered in those wide, dark eyes and his face flushed as he struggled to breathe past the palm on his windpipe. Freddie could feel how hard his sweet boy was in his jeans. He was rutting against his stomach even as he thrashed to escape.  _

 

_ ‘That’s it’, he heard himself whisper as he saw the first tears roll down into Auston’s hair.  _

 

_ Auston choked on his name, a plea, and strained against his hand. Freddie shifted to rest his weight on his knees and wrapped both hands oh-so-carefully around that elegant neck. The skin was silky soft and gave so beautifully as he squeezed. His boy moaned and grinded his hips against him but there was no relief, not yet. He hadn’t earned it yet.  _

 

_ ‘Please,’ Auston whimpered uselessly. He pawed at Freddie’s hands and more tears came, mouth quivering. It was swollen from harsh kisses and Freddie couldn’t wait to bite them raw. _

 

_ ‘What do you want, pretty boy? Do you want me to fuck you?’ _

 

_ Auston shook his head and laid a hand over both Freddie’s own. He coughed and gasped around the words, lashes fluttering like he was already seeing spots.  _

 

_ ‘Tell me what you want.’ _

 

_ Auston gulped under his hands and pressed up against him. ‘Hurt me.’ _

 

“Fuck!”

 

Freddie cursed himself awake and jerked up from where he’d been laying. He reached out, half expecting to feel Auston’s warm throat, but all he got was air. He pawed at nothing before turning his hand toward himself, blinking the sleep away and trying to concentrate on the lines of his palm to ground himself. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Freddie could hardly hear Martin past the buzz of the dream. He lifted his other hand and stared down at them in awe. He knew what the heat between his thighs meant. He was hard, how could he not be with Auston all spread out beneath him begging to be hurt in the best way? It was a different Auston but it was still his soulmate. He was glad he’d opted for jeans because...right, they were at movie night at Martin’s house.

 

Shit.

 

“Freddie?” 

 

Freddie picked up his head and it was Auston and Martin staring at him. They were both pretty wide eyed and unsure. “Man, you were freaking out there for a second. What kind of nightmare were you having?”

 

Someone beat on the door and a chorus of screaming came from the other side of the house. The guys had apparently left to pick up a bunch of food and beer and they were back with a vengeance. 

 

“There’s the riot. Matts, make sure he keeps breathing, okay?” Martin pressed before heading off to their impatient friends juggling all kinds of bags. Auston quickly slid onto the couch next to Freddie and put a hand on his back.

 

“What happened?” Auston asked, glancing toward where Martin had disappeared. “Was it a memory?”

 

Fredde could feel his entire face burning up in a blush. “Yeah.”

 

Auston must have taken his blush for something else because worry filled his face. “What happened? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Freddie forced out, hands twitching where he’d dropped them in his lap. “It was you. I was...choking you.”

 

“Shit. That’s kind of fucked up.” Auston paled a little at the edges but his hand didn’t leave Freddie’s back. “Were we fighting? Were you trying to kill me?”

 

“God no,” Freddie groaned beneath his breath, unable to keep the heat from his voice. He dragged the edge of his palm over the bulge in his jeans but he swore it was only to adjust himself.

 

“Oh,” Auston let out, brow pinching up before his face went slack with surprise. A blush burned across his whole face as he realized exactly what Freddie was implying. “ _Oh_! Uh, was it, I mean, did I…?”

 

“You were really into it,” Freddie confessed in a rushed breath.

 

The guys started to file past the living room towards the kitchen and Auston jumped up to join them. Freddie let him go but he did it with a smile. It wasn’t an angry retreat. Auston was _embarrassed_.

 

How adorable.

 

o0o0o0o

 

_ A cool breeze came in through the open window of their bedroom. It ruffled the curtains and kissed bare shoulders. A fan whirred gently in the corner for white noise. A powder blue crib sat against the wall. It was stuffed with squishy blankets and tiny plushies, the bars covered by the old baby blankets their mothers had sent them. _

 

_ A small grunt came from the crib. There was a beat of silence and then a series of more distressed grunts. Air was sucked in and then a high pitched, unhappy cry echoed through the room.  _

 

_ Auston stirred but couldn’t open his eyes. He was exhausted all the way down to his bones. He’d already been up twice to settle their baby boy down and he’d spent the whole evening with him while his husband worked. His own job had taken up the whole morning and he’d been ready for a nap when they traded off. Their little one didn’t leave time for naps. _

 

_ Freddie’s hand slid over over hip beneath the covers and a kiss was pressed to the back of his neck. ‘It’s my turn.’ _

 

Auston sighed as he came out of sleep. The dreams washed over him in loving waves, lapping at the edges of his mind and gradually receded as he came back into the present. He dragged his hand up out of the warm cocoon of blankets to rub the sleep from his weary eyes. He pried them open and remembered he was on the road in a hotel room. 

 

He’d taken a spill during the game and Freddie had turned into a protective grizzly again. Auston smiled as he remembered his soulmate was in the other bed behind him. The dream had left his chest all warm and fuzzy. A _baby_. It wasn’t just one lifetime with kids but several. It was a reassuring thought that nearly carried him right back into a restful sleep.

 

“It’s my turn.”

 

Auston tossed back the covers and sat up, heart kicking up into a race against his ribs. He looked toward the other bed and found Freddie relaxing there, eyes sparkling in the dim light as he smiled back. Auston couldn’t tell if the man felt as warm as he did but whatever bond between them was thrumming. It was like a tickle in his chest and it demanded he reach for Freddie. 

 

“Did we just share a memory? Again?” Auston awed. 

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Freddie sat up and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “We were sleeping in our bedroom and there was a baby.”

 

Auston nodded, smiling shyly. “He woke up.” 

 

“It was my turn to change him,” Freddie finished. His smile was bright even in the dark hotel room.

 

“He sounded more hungry than wet to me.”

 

“Maybe,” Freddie conceded. “You’re probably a better father.”

 

“I think we make kickass parents,” Auston boasted. He receded a little. “I mean, we _did_. We have been.”

 

“We will be, one day.”

 

Auston’s breath hitched and he had to rub his chest to ease the ache of his thumping heart. Him and Freddie, _this_ Freddie, with children sent all kinds of happy bubbles through him. It’d have to be after hockey or maybe towards the end of his career. Freddie could stay home with the baby and take them on away games, carry them around in one of those swaddle things - they could be a road family. 

 

Auston’s stomach cramped with how badly he wanted that for them in this life.

 

Freddie got up out of his bed but his languid pace had a purpose. He closed the distance between their beds and stood over Auston’s with a sort of quiet nerve. He didn’t reach for him but he did set his knee on the bed. It was a question, a plea, an olive branch.

 

“Tell me to leave.”

 

Freddie’s voice was low and it sent a shiver down his back. It was a touch hesitance but there was so much behind it. Auston looked at him, _truly_ looked, and heat followed that shiver. Freddie was such a gentle giant. Those wide shoulders and thick thighs, that _height_ , it made him imposing but there wasn’t an ounce of malice in his whole body. At least not towards him. 

 

Auston reached for Freddie but drew back with last second nerves. It felt so exposed in his pajamas in the dark of the hotel room. He was afraid Freddie could see past all his carefully laid barriers and see his feelings, his real feelings, and everything would be ruined. 

 

Except Freddie crawled into his bed and pushed at his hip insistently. “Lay on your side.”

 

Auston obediently turned over and got comfortable. He tucked his pillow under his head and tucked his knees up a little until they didn’t feel strained. Freddie followed him down into the bed and lightly spooned up behind him. They didn’t touch. The distance was respectful but far from enough. Freddie’s hand laid on his waist in a safe touch but it wasn’t what he wanted. The man was so close he could smell him but wasn’t boxing him in.

 

It was nice. It could be nicer.

 

Auston took Freddie’s wrist and pulled insistently, urging his arm around him. “You can closer...if you want.”

 

There was a breathless moment of stillness and then Freddie was cuddling him behind him. Auston bit back a small moan as Freddie’s arm closed around him. He remembered how he used to think his soulmate’s body would slide against his like a puzzle piece, two halves becoming one and all that. He wanted to laugh. He and Freddie were built differently, they carried their weight in different ways from the positions they played. They had to wiggle around to find a comfortable way to spoon but eventually they settled.

 

Freddie nuzzled into the back of his hair and it was like a switch being flipped. They truly relaxed for the first time in what felt like maybe their whole lives and melted against one another. Their breaths came easier and the world felt _right_ in a way they hadn’t realized felt wrong until now. They didn’t talk about it. It wasn’t the time to pick apart everything when they were so tired and everything was blissfully quiet.

 

The constant _tug_ they felt toward each other calmed into a soft hum of happiness they couldn’t put into words.

 

And just like that they fell asleep. Neither of them dreamed that night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Big Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Beta said this one was sad and I hope it tugs at some heart strings! Let me know what you think! Comments make me write faster <333 (You guys have been super amazing though seriously thank you so much for all the feedback and love, I'm absolutely aflutter)

Freddie _cooked_ for him. He still got a little giddy over it even though this was probably the dozenth time it had happened now. Sometimes one or two of the guys would tag along but mostly it was just the two of them in Freddie’s too-big house, his warm colored kitchen, the table laden with heaping piles of vegetables and meat and rolls. It was too much for the two of them and he suspected he’d have a tupperware shoved into his hands at the end of the night. Auston got a special sort of comfort out of eating Freddie’s meals for breakfast.

 

They took their second helpings to the couch to watch a couple condensed games they’d missed.

 

“This is really good,” Auston praised as he stuffed the last of his rice and steak into his mouth

 

“Thanks.”

 

Auston swirled his roll in the steak juice pooling on his empty plate. “I think you cook for me a lot in our lifetimes.”

 

“I like taking care of people,” Freddie shrugged. “I...like taking care of you.”

 

“You’re good to me,” Auston admitted softly. He laid his fork down and wiped his hands on a napkin. He glanced up at the goalie through his lashes. “I don’t deserve it.”

 

“You deserve a lot, Auston.”

 

The sincerity in those words hit Auston right in the gut. He wanted to snap and say he wasn’t, that he was a little asshole who wanted too much from a man who was destined to be with him, but he couldn’t. Freddie had made the first move, he was the one who had set this pace, Auston was just struggling to follow that lead.

 

And now he was…

 

“I should go,” Auston rushed out. He stood to leave but Freddie followed him, touching his elbow. “I-”

 

“Auston, don’t.”

 

Freddie took him by the shoulders and pulled him closer. Sparks danced down his arms to burn in his fingertips. He swore Freddie was going to kiss him but he merely pressed their foreheads together. Their eyes fell closed and they breathed in one another. Their noses just barely brushed and that painful intimacy came back full force.

 

Freddie’s fingers curled under his jaw and he had to pull away now or he never would. “This is a bad idea.”

 

Freddie didn’t try to stop him when he left and he wasn’t sure if that was better ot not.

 

That night Auston tossed and turned with feverish dream of Freddie above him, next to him, slipping inside him. He was helpless to hear himself moan words of love into Freddie’s ear as they made love. It was slow and sweet, full of tender touches and kisses so long he lost his breath. Auston dug his nails into freckle covered shoulders and begged him closer, searching blindly for his mouth when they parted too long. When they came together, Freddie whispered the same loving confession into the curve of his throat.

 

It wasn’t a memory.

 

o0o0o0o

 

Freddie put more distance between them after that night. Auston had tried to keep that kind of distance before and failed but Freddie kept a firm arms length with steely resolve. They didn’t stop by each other’s stalls anymore. Team events involved at least three bodies between them. The dinner invites stopped and Freddie made sure he did his work out as far away from Auston as possible. They were still civil and they played well enough but it wasn’t the same.

 

Auston started taking it to heart after the first week of radio silence. He tried to talk to Freddie for three days straight and got turned down every time. It got under his skin and upset his stomach. Auston tried not to let it bother him but it _did_. He played like shit for two games straight and they lost the second one.

 

Auston shouldered the loss like he’d somehow helped the other team with his clouded mind. The whole team was pissed off and looking for a way to blow steam. They all wanted to forget and they didn’t have a game for two days. Auston and some of the others decided to drink hard but the rest of the guys who’d come out with them decided to try and pull. Some of them were having great goes of it though they were a few strikeouts.

 

The whole bar could’ve caught fire with all the attention Auston was paying. That is until Connor burst into giggle-snorts and smacked his bottle onto the table they’d occupied. “Guys, look! Freddie’s scoring!”

 

Auston’s head whipped around so fast he felt his neck pang in protest. _Shit_. Yeah, that was definitely Freddie sitting at the end of the bar with the prettiest blonde in the whole bar perched on his lap like she was meant to be there. She’s stunning - lithe and tan, blonde ringlets that spilled down her back, and a tasteful slit in her skirt that allowed a preview but not the full show. It was exactly the kind of women Freddie should be with and it made him sick.

 

They were kissing like they had all the time in the word. Lips slid together, pressing more insistently in flashes of passion. Her fingers mussed up his hair but his own were politely on her hips. The way he gripped held _intent_. Auston could taste bile and beer churning in the back of his throat and his knuckles were white on his beer. He hated her. He hated her so much he could taste it. He wanted to be her. It _should’ve_ been him. They’re fucking soulmates and Freddie belonged to _him_.

 

He should’ve gone over right then and asked Freddie not to. That would’ve been the logical thing, the safe bet. Freddie would’ve understood the heartfelt plea and maybe for once this week he would actually listen. Auston knew in his heart if he asked Freddie not to go home with her he wouldn’t. That if he begged him to go home with him instead to talk things over in the cold light of day he _would_.

 

That’s not what Auston did. He stayed still and drank more. He started taking from the pitchers the guys kept getting sent to the table. He kept watching Freddie and ignored their teammates coming and going, the strange looks going unnoticed as he sucked down more tepid beer.

 

By the time Freddie convinced the girl to go back to the hotel with her, Auston was completely trashed. Rielly had been in charge of watching all the rookies and wrangling them home but Auston was determined. When the man went to the bathroom he slipped out of the bar and got a cab to the hotel just a minute or two behind Freddie. He had a plan. He was going to stop them. He was going to show her, show everyone, that Freddie was his.

 

Auston threw up when he got out of the cab but he merely wiped his mouth on his sleeve before hurrying into the hotel. He searched the lobby, bumping into people and trying to keep upright as he weaved past annoying clumps of bodies. They were in his way and Freddie was - shit, he was right there. Him and that pretty blonde were kissing by the elevators.

 

“Hey!” Auston barked across the room, shoving his way toward them with blind determination. “Hey, get the fuck away from him!”

 

Freddie was the one who pulled away from her, shock written all over both their faces.

 

“Is that Auston Matthews?” he heard her ask.

 

“For fuck’s sake,” Freddie cursed, coming at Auston and grabbing his chin. “How drunk are you? Did you _drive_ here? I’m going to kick Morgan’s ass up and down the rink for this. You need-”

 

Auston smacked his hand away and Freddie’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “Don’t fucking touch me. And you-” Auston turned to the woman and some of his fire dimmed when he saw how scared she suddenly looked. “I’m sure you’re really nice and I’m sorry about this but-”

 

He felt bile build in the back of his throat and he gagged. He bent over, hands on his knees, and fought back another wave of nausea. God he was so fucking drunk. He breathed through it and when he was good he straightened up, pointing at her.

 

“Don’t fucking touch him,” Auston finished solidly.

 

“You’re acting insane right now,” Freddie reasoned.

 

“No, _you_ are!” he snapped petulantly. “You’re going to go home with her when I’m right here? What’s so special about her?”

 

“I should go,” the woman piped up, edging around Freddie to make her prompt escape.

 

“He’s mine, you know?” Auston pleaded with her, a half step in following her just so she would understand. “I’m not an asshole, he’s my soulmate. Do you know what it’s like to see someone kissing your soulmate? I swear I’m not like this.”

 

“Leave her alone, Auston,” Freddie demanded firmly. He grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him back. He flinched as the next words left his mouth. “And I’m not yours. Don’t say that.”

 

“Yes you are. We are. You should be,” Auston babbled. “That’s how it’s supposed to be, Freddie! It’s you and me, man. We’re on the same _team_ for fuck’s sake!”

 

“Shut up with that shit,” Freddie demanded. He must’ve had a beer too many because the curses came quick. “You’re the one who wanted us to be like this.”

 

“Oh fuck you, Andersen, like you wanted it so bad,” Auston scoffed.

 

Steel came into those eyes. “What would you know about what I want?”

 

Auston opened his mouth to give him all the reasons why they’d be so good together and that’s when Freddie realized they’d drawn a crowd. People had their phones out and were trying to be sly but it was pretty obvious they were gawking.

 

Auston stumbled over his own feet as he was dragged into the next elevator to open up. The world went a little lopsided as he got into the elevator so he lurched forward to grab the railing along the wall. He watched Freddie smack the button to the highest floor and he forced himself to focus.

 

“I don’t know if it’s the beer or if you’re just upset, but this has to stop,” Freddie demanded. “You’re the one who never wanted this.”

 

“You never gave me a chance,” Auston explained, remembering the day Freddie had backed away on seeing him and cussing under his breath like being his soulmate was the worst thing he could’ve imagined. Insecurities started to bubble up. “I-I get it, okay? You looked at me and all you saw some dumb kid who couldn’t keep their skates beneath them. And maybe I haven’t been with anyone, and maybe some guys think that’s a turn off, but I’ve never wanted anyone else.”

 

“You’re lying,” Freddie accused hotly. His teeth were clenched tight and each word came out like a bite. “I don’t know what you’re trying to pull but knock it off.”

 

The doors opened and Freddie glared at the gaggle of teenagers waiting for the elevator. “Fuck off, we’re busy.”

 

He slammed the close door button and looked back to Auston with a long sigh through his nose. “You were right about one thing. There’s eight years between us. Even if I’m your soulmate, being with someone so much older won’t be easy.”

 

“I don’t want easy,” Auston pressed.

 

“That’s bullshit. If you didn’t want easy you wouldn’t have cut us off from the start.” Freddie closed his eyes and seemed to count to ten to reign in his anger. “I understand it, alright? You’re the number one rookie, the golden child, and I’m just some halfway washed up goalie the Leafs got with whatever was leftover from buying you.”

 

That hit Auston in the gut. “Now _that’s_ bullshit! You’re not any of that, Freddie, we’re lucky to have you.”

 

“Yeah?” Freddie grunted. “Even you’ve treated me like I’m not good enough.”

 

Auston faltered as he remembered the day he sat down and cut a line between them. “I never…”

 

“You made it clear you didn’t want me and you keep giving me just enough of your affection to keep me in love with you,” Freddie barrelled on. “You don’t just to get _blow up_ when I try to get some-”

 

“Some ass?” Auston cut in crudely, hurting right down in his bones.

 

“ _Comfort_ ,” Freddie finished sharply.

 

The doors opened again and it was Auston’s turn to slap the close door button in the face of a couple businessmen. “Occupied!”

 

“All I dream about is touching you, I can’t shake it no matter how much you want me to,” Freddie admitted, voice all tight like the words choked him. His eyes were glistening but no tears welled. “I’m lonelier than I’ve ever felt and maybe it’s not tasteful going home with a pucky bunny but it’s _something_. I’m trying to get over you!”

 

Auston would’ve rather been boarded a hundred times than hear that. His heart was racing and nothing in the world could’ve kept his mouth closed. “I don’t want you to!”

 

“So do you want me or not?” Freddie demanded. “You can’t have it both ways! You can’t have everything you want!”

 

The doors started to open but they both reached for the button, glaring daggers at the late night stragglers waiting on the other side. Their voices rang in unison. “Fuck off!”

 

The doors shut again on stunned faces and Freddie’s glare was accusing. “All you do is push me away, Auston.”

 

“I did it before you could push me,” Auston insisted. “You’re the one who looked at me like I was trash sitting there on the ice. You realized who I was and you said ‘fuck’ and you wanted to skate away. Don’t deny it, I saw you!”

 

Freddie reeled back. “Like I’m not allowed to be surprised my soulmate is a rookie?”

 

Auston’s blood was boiling so hot he wanted to _bite_. “You can just fucking say ‘child’ like you want to.”

 

“You _are_  immature in a lot of ways. Look at the way you treated Kelly.”

 

“Oh fuck Kelly,” Auston spat. “I don’t give a shit about _Kelly_.”

 

“She’s a human being with feelings, Auston. You don’t get to just treat people however you want.”

 

Auston’s hands were bone white around the hand rail of the elevator as he remembered the blonde woman kissing his soulmate. “She was touching you!”

 

Freddie groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face in frustration. “You’re such a fucking _child_.”

 

Auston’s eyes filled with tears and he decided right then he’d had enough. If Freddie didn’t want him, _fine_. Fuck him. Fuck him and his beautiful hair and his eyes and his handsome face and his big heart and his dry humor. Fuck it all.

 

“Where are you going?” Freddie demanded when the door opened to their floor.

 

“Away from you!” Auston stormed, stomping off down the hall. He wasn’t too drunk to forget his number and his keycard was in his pocket.

 

“Go ahead, run away like you always do,” came from behind him. The tone was nastier than he’d ever heard out of Freddie and he hated it. He hated that he was the one to bring that ugliness out in such a kind man. Maybe they didn’t deserve each other in this life.

 

Maybe it wasn’t worth it.

 

o0o

 

_“We never talk.”_

 

_“Who’s fault is that?”_

 

_“I’m tired of guessing what you want all the time! This is bullshit.” Auston yanked on his coat and stuffed his feet into his sneakers. “I don’t need this.”_

 

_“If you don’t want me then just leave,” his boyfriend yelled from down the hall, cheeks flaming with anger and mouth twisted in a scowl. “It’s what you’re good at.”_

_  
“What does it look like I’m doing?”_

 

_“Seriously? Fuck you then!”_

 

_“No, fuck you, man!”_

 

_“Don’t bother coming home!”_

 

Auston swung wildly at whoever was shaking him. “Get the fuck off me!”

 

“For fucks sake, Matts!” It was Willy and he sounded pissed. Auston pushed at his friend’s hands until he let go. “Are you still drunk? You were screaming in your sleep.”

 

“Fuck off!” Auston swung at him with a pillow and Willy backed off, scowling. A wave of dizziness hit him and he fell back into the bedding. His mouth tasted vile and the light from the bathroom stung his eyes. He buried his head under the pillow and breathed through the bout of nausea. The world shifted and he groaned.

 

The dream-memory bled into his reality. He’d fought with Freddie. He’d ruined everything. There was no way Freddie would want him after tonight. Tears soaked into his pillow and he started to shake all over when he realized how well and truly fucked he was.

 

He heard Willy sit back down in his own bed and eventually drifted back into a fitful sleep.

 

o0o

 

_Freddie’s hand was painfully tight on his as they rushed into the building off the street. They were coming for them. They’d already gotten to their friends so they knew exactly where to look. Auston’s lungs burned from running but there was no time to stop. They raced down the steps, dress shoes slipping now and then on the old wood. The basement was musty but there was no dust. It was well used but they’d cleared it of all incriminating documents just the day before. Thank God above that Freddie was so paranoid._

 

_“Hurry,” his lover huffed, yanking his arm towards the corner._

 

_Above they could hear pounding on the door._

 

_“They’ve found us,” Auston whined. He didn’t have time to gawk above him because his partner dragged him toward a carpet. He knelt and quickly rolled it up, tossing it across the room to try and buy them some extra time. He flipped up a hidden trap door and grabbed Auston by the belt, tugging. “But-”_

 

_“You first.”_

 

_Auston climbed down the ladder as fast as he could and when he hit the floor he went for the lamp. He flicked on the dull bulb just as Freddie threw the door and hurried down the ladder himself. “They’ll find us for sure down here.”_

 

_Somewhere above them a door was kicked in and at least a half dozen men rushed into the building._

 

_Freddie snagged his hand and rushed him toward the farthest end of the sub basement. He let go only long enough to climb up the far end of a long bookcase. It was taller than even Freddie and left only a hand-tall space at the top. He indeed slipped his hand into the crevice and looked like he nearly snapped his wrist sliding a hidden latch. The bookcase pushed forward only wide enough for a body to squeeze into._

 

_“What’s back there?” Auston demanded. “If we hide they’ll just burn us out. We can’t-”_

 

_“Darling,” Freddie begged, reaching for him. “Trust me?”_

 

_“Always,” Auston promised, flinching at the sound of their pursuers tearing apart the rooms high above their heads. He let himself be pulled into a kiss. It was desperate. Freddie cupped his jaw and kissed him deeply like they wouldn’t get another chance. There was something raw to it and he poured back all the love he felt for this man. They’d shared so much over the years - hopes and dreams for this city, this country, and for themselves. They parted panting. “I love you.”_

 

_“I love you too,” Freddie swore. “You first, okay?”_

 

_He let Freddie lead him to the crevice and squeezed himself between the bookcases. It was dark and cold behind there. He felt around and his palms hit stone. “What’s here?”_

 

_“It’s a tunnel that leads out of the city. Take three left turns, one right,and then go up the stairs. Don’t stray even when it looks tempting.”_

 

_“What-?” The bookcase slid closed to throw him into pitch darkness. Not a trickle of light from the basement came through. It hit him like a shock of what was going on. “What are you doing?”_

 

_“They’ll tear this place apart if they don’t find someone.” His lover’s voice was muffled through the thick barrier and Auston’s heart leapt into his throat. He pushed at the bookcase with both hands with a desperate cry but it didn’t budge. It was locked firmly in place and the back was lined with steel that seemed to lock into place. “Just go through the tunnel and be fast. I don’t know if they’ll find it but they’ll never figure out the maze.”_

 

_“They’ll kill you!” Auston wailed, pounding his palms on the sheet metal._

 

_“I’ll be okay.” He was lying and they both knew it._

 

_Auston sobbed and pushed at the door with all his might. “Please don’t do this. Come with me, please. We can make it. Just open the door and come with me!”_

 

_“They’ll find us both if they don’t find one of us,” Freddie reasoned. There was the slightest quiver of fear in his voice and Auston only cried louder, banging his fists until they ached. “Stop it and go.”_

 

_“You don’t have to do this,” Auston pleaded. “We can still-”_

 

_There was a series of thumps too close for comfort. They’d entered the basement. Auston whined and clawed along the edges hoping to find a latch or seam to get to his love. “There’s still time!”_

 

_“You have to go now.”_

 

_“I won’t go without you!”_

 

_“I’ll find you,” Freddie swore. “No matter what. Nothing can keep me from you.”_

 

_“Just come with me now,” Auston begged._

 

_There was a bang as they threw open the trap door. Auston pressed his ear to the wall, eyes wide and unseeing in the darkness._

 

_“I’ll find you in the next life, darling,” Freddie pledged in a harsh whisper. The sound barely carried through the metal and wood between them. “I swear it.”_

 

_Auston clamped a hand over his mouth as he heard the men swarm the room. He listened helplessly as Freddie tried to talk his way out of it, saying he didn’t know what they wanted and that he was a humble bookkeeper, but they knew. There was a bounty of evidence against them both and they were caught._

 

_Except Auston was tucked behind a wall and Freddie was sacrificing himself like a complete fool. Auston’s gasp was lost beneath his palm  as he heard the first thump of a bat against flesh. Fresh tears poured down his cheeks as he heard his love cry out in agony. Another, and another, a sickening snap and a scream. He couldn’t bare this. How could he live a coward when they were going to beat and capture his whole heart, his soulmate?_

 

_He had to-_

 

Auston woke up screaming with a gunshot ringing in his ears He was wild and blind as he thrashed against the sheets. He was raw from his throat to his heart in a way that nothing could soothe. They’d killed him! Where was he? Where was Freddie? Those bastards had shot him and worse, he knew it.

 

“Freddie?” Auston yelled desperately, tears blurring his world to a confusing mess of sudden light and color. He clamped his hands over his ears and curled up but he could still hear the gun. “Freddie!”

 

Someone grabbed at him but whatever they said was lost in the heavy base of his heartbeat.

 

“Please,” Auston begged, openly sobbing as he tried to pull tighter into himself. He pressed his face to his knees and covered his head with his arms. “Freddie, please, please don’t...I-I’m sorry. _Freddie_.”

 

Somewhere behind him a door opened. “What the fuck?”

 

“Go get Fred _now_.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“Just fucking do it!”


	5. Chapter 5

“ _Freddie_!”

 

Willy bounced on the balls of his feet as he watched his friend unravel. Auston was curled up tight practically ripping his hair out and Willy had no idea what to do. Auston screamed and balled up tighter every time he tried to touch him. Whatever nightmare he’d suffered had followed him and wouldn’t let go. The rest of the team were starting to spill out of their rooms and crowding around the doorway trying to look in. Mitch and Rielly were keeping everyone back and kept barking to get back to bed but curiosity was peaked. This was the worst outburst they’d ever seen from Auston and they were worried. 

 

And they had no idea why he was screaming for their goalie.

 

Freddie burst out of the elevator in just his boxers and wild sleep hair. His teammates would’ve laughed if Auston’s strangled cries weren’t ringing through the air. Martin was struggling to keep up with him. Freddie’s long legs ate up the distance and he threw elbows to get through the crowd. He barked at them in hoarse Danish and with Martin’s back up he got the guys away from the doorway. 

 

“What’s going on, man?”

 

“Matts is freaking out, Freddie!”

 

“What’s he yelling for you for?”

 

“What’d you do to him?”

 

“Fuck off already!” Martin barked, shoving them back. “It’s none of your fucking business, how about that?’

 

“ _Min elskede_? Auston? What happened? What’s wrong, darling?” Freddie asked breathlessly, rushing onto the bed. He didn’t care who was watching as he scooped Auston up into his lap. He cradled the younger man against his chest and rubbed his back, tucking his face into his neck. Auston clung to him, arms curling tight around his neck and thick legs drawing up to weigh heavy in his lap. He didn’t feel it. All that mattered was Auston’s sobs, the way his powerful body shivered like he was wracked in fever. 

 

He kept repeating Freddie’s name like a mantra.

 

“Everything’s okay. You’re fine, sweetheart. It’s just the guys here,” Freddie tried to assure him, nerves all over the place as Auston just kept _crying_. He  carded his fingers through the boy’s sweaty hair and held him close. “What happened, Auston?”

 

“You saved me and they beat you,” Auston sobbed, nails digging welts into Freddie’s freckled shoulder. “You were _screaming_ and I-I couldn’t do anything. I heard you _die_.”

 

“Oh God, baby…” Freddie breathed out, shock shaking his own chest. He clutched Auston tighter and the boy scrambled to fit more firmly in his lap, straddling him and curling his arms around his shoulders. Auston’s wet face pressed into his throat. Freddie slipped his hands under Auston’s shirt to rub the damp line of his back, shushing him softly and rocking him just a little.

 

“I love you,” Auston whimpered against him, panting through the pained noise as he tried to catch his breath. Not a soul made a noise behind them. Willy slid off the edge of his bed and hit the floor with a solid thud. “Freddie, I... I can’t fucking do this anymore.” 

 

Freddie gentled his head up to brush a kiss across his flushed cheek. “Auston, right now isn’t-”

 

“Please don’t make me do it anymore,” Auston begged. A fresh wave of tears escaped his lashes. Freddie caught them on his thumbs and brushed them away. He met Auston’s watery gaze and his heart broke. “I love you so fucking much, Freddie. I can’t stop, I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Anything you want, Auston,” Freddie vowed, and meant it. “Anything you need. I’m yours.”

 

“Don’t leave me,” Auston pleaded. He leaned into the man’s palms and looked so young, so drained from the dream. “Please, Freddie?”

 

Freddie pressed a soft kiss to the boy’s chapped mouth in a promise. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Behind them, Kadri opened his mouth to ask what they were all wondering, but coughed as Connor delivered a swift elbow to his ribs. Mitch and Martin started to herd everyone away with silent scolding. This time they obeyed and dispersed. Even Willy grabbed his mostly packed duffle and made some sort of motion to Freddie before he snuck out.

 

Auston picked his head up when he heard the door shut. He blinked dully at the door but his head was so fogged up from the nightmare he didn’t care.

 

“Lay with me?” Auston asked quietly, tugging weakly at his shirt. Freddie hesitated for a moment and he sighed. “We can talk in the morning, okay? I just want you right now.”

 

“I’m here for you,” Freddie soothed as he guided him down to the pillows. Auston fussed a little but Freddie guided him into the cradle of his body, spooning up tight behind him and keeping his arm around his middle. He kissed the boy’s nape and whispered mindless sweetness into his skin. He massaged soft circles on Auston’s stomach just beneath the hem of his shirt until he felt him go lax in sleep.

 

Freddie stayed awake in a sort of vigil over his soulmate until the sun rose. He kept Auston close and mulled over what their lives were going to be now. He’d discussed this possibility with management a few times. There were back up plans in place, statements already prewritten in tidy folders, memos tucked away in the desks of the right people. Freddie had set up this safety net the day he found out what Auston was to him. He wasn’t going to let his soulmate flounder. He was going to do everything within his power to protect Auston and his budding career.

 

Even if that meant resigning.  

 

Auston went stock still only a few moments after waking up. Freddie kissed into his hair and gave him a squeeze to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone. He heard Auston’s throat click, like he’d opened his mouth to speak and realized what had happened. He cleared his throat after a minute and started again. 

 

“They heard us. Everyone. Willy was right here.”

 

“We’ll deal with them together,” Freddie promised easily. He sat up a little and nosed at Auston’s cheek. “We should shower and think about breakfast.”

 

He watched Auston’s eyes clench shut so he quieted down. Auston rolled over and buried his face in his chest. It was sudden and unexpected but he held him firm with a hand splayed between the wings of his shoulder blades. Auston was a broad, heavy man - an athlete with the body to prove it, but in this moment he felt fragile under Freddie’s hand. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Auston whispered against his chest, breath tickling his skin. Freddie kissed the top of his head and got a nuzzle in return. “For just...blurting all that out to the guys. For last night, for drinking, for Kelly.”

 

“I forgive you,” Freddie assured him, still rubbing his back. “We both said a lot of things we shouldn’t have, not like that. I’m sorry I tried to take someone back here when I knew you were watching. Some part of me wanted you to be jealous.”

 

“I was beyond jealous, man,” Auston snorted weakly. “I was livid.”

 

“We kind of fucked up,” Freddie admitted. Auston picked up his head and stared up at him in disbelief at the bluntness. Freddie thumbed his cheek. “We’ll fix it. Just a small step at a time. First is a shower, because you reek.”

 

Auston shoved his chest with a small laugh. “Fuck _you_. I was the one caught in a fucking nightmare sweating like a pig. And speaking of that.” He twisted Freddie’s nipple so hard the man yelped and tried to jerk away. “Don’t you _ever_ self sacrifice again for me. Got it? No more heroics in our cycles.”

 

Freddie remembered the meeting with his agent in vivid detail where he explained that he would leave the team if it affected Auston in anyway. “I promise to _try_.”

 

“You’re such an asshole, Freddie.” But there was a fond smile on Auston’s fae. 

 

o0o

 

They were right. The whole team knew about them and when they got down to breakfast they got a mix of stares and pointedly _not_ stares. It was unsettling and completely uncomfortable. Mitch, Martin, and Willy did their best to treat them normally but everything was kind of stilted. Even Connor, usually so close to Freddie, had a strained smile. There was no disgust, no hate, just an awkward confusion and muffled curiosity. It was like they all had questions to ask but were biting them back and that didn’t leave room in their mouths for other conversation.

 

They were hardly finished with their plates when Sittler, of all people, showed up. He was one of the community representatives for the Leafs. He didn’t travel on the road with them so it was a surprise when he came into the dining area. Freddie realized Sittler was coming right for him and he scooted closer to Auston, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

 

“I don’t care what they say. Whatever you want to do, I’m with you, Auston,” Freddie promised quickly, his soulmate frowning at him. “Even if that means leaving the team. Okay?”

 

“Fuck, Freddie, you don’t think-”

 

“I mean it, Auston.”

 

And then they were whisked away to a conference room deeper into the hotel. Freddie kept close to Auston’s side and hoped they presented a solid unit. 

 

“You’d pick me over hockey?” Auston awed quietly.

 

“You’re my soulmate,” Freddie answered simply. “I’m not ready to get off the ice yet but if I have to to protect you, I’ll gladly do it.”

 

Auston’s nose scrunched up. “I can’t be the reason you quit.”

 

“It won’t be you, Aus. It’ll be them.”

 

They’d been expecting Babcock, of course, but not the whole media relations team. Freddie and Auston shared a dubious look before sitting down at the table. They’d only met Steve Keogh a handful of times ever and almost always in passing. Babs came around the table and stood by Freddie’s side, a real smile on his face.

 

“Let me be the first to say congratulations,” Babs stated, surprising them. “A soulmate is a rare find. You’re the envy of this room right now, boys. I couldn’t be happier, or prouder.” He shot a pointed look at Keogh. “And Lou was the first phone call I made to make sure he knows that.”

 

“No one is saying it’s not a miracle. No one’s angry,” Keogh assured, glaring at Babs. He got a cool stare in return. Keogh turned a charming smile on the players. “We’re just a little disappointed in how it came out.”

 

“The team caught me in the middle of a memory dream, so what?” Auston snapped. Freddie’s hand laid on his thigh and squeezed. “I’m sure most of them wouldn’t go talking to anyone.”

 

“There’s no one to talk to,” Sittler sighed, bringing something up on his phone and sliding it over to them. “Everyone already knows.”

 

Freddie took the phone and tilted it toward his soulmate before pressing play on the video that had been queued. Of course someone had caught their fight last night on camera, and of course they had started filming when Auston was trailing after Kelly like a drunk asshole. 

 

“ _He’s mine, you know? I’m not an asshole, he’s my soulmate_.” Auston’s voice was loud and clear through the speaker though he was slurring. “ _Do you know what it’s like to see someone kissing your soulmate? I swear I’m not like this_.”

 

And there Freddie was cutting into the screen to grab Auston by the shirt and yank him away from the retreating blonde. “ _Leave her alone, Auston. And I’m not yours. Don’t say that_.”

 

“Sorry for being so harsh,” Freddie murmured, glancing over at Auston. 

 

On screen, Auston was staring pleadingly up at Freddie and hanging uselessly in his grip. “ _Yes you are. We are. You should be. That’s how it’s supposed to be, Freddie! It’s you and me, man. We’re on the same team._ ”

 

“I’m sorry for stalking you and apparently outing us to the world,” Auston slumped, tapping the screen. “That’s enough of that.”

 

“Where’s the video?” Freddie demanded as he gave Steve back his phone. “Can we get them to take it down?”

 

“We put a hush order on it for any credible sources, but it’s on YouTube. Copied, spread, third party accounts, and the gossip rags have already gotten ahold of it,” Chris Lund rattled off, looking tired. They must’ve all Red Eyed out there overnight. “It’s like chasing smoke at this point.”

 

“It’s on every Auston Matthews themed tumblr blog, Which is quite a lot,” Colin McBride tried to joke. Auston had always liked Colin. “There’s nothing we can do to stop the fans from spreading it. We’re only one damage control now.”

 

Auston winced at the implication, “They probably have a lot to say about how I acted.”

 

“It’s half and half,” Colin admitted. “You weren’t the worst you could’ve been. You didn’t hit anyone and you didn’t insult her. And if you come out saying that Freddie is your soulmate - congrats by the way - then I think we’ll win a lot of people back. A lot of people would admit they’d act the same way if they saw their soulmate kissing a beautiful woman.”

 

“She wasn’t that pretty,” Auston lied.

 

“So what are we going to do?” Freddie asked carefully.

 

“We’re going to go ahead with your plan,” Babs replied. “Make a statement to the press, ride the wave, hope people come back around. We keep playing hockey and hope that speaks for itself.” 

 

“What plan? Auston demanded, glaring fiercely in Freddie’s direction.

 

“It wasn’t specifically for _this_ ,” Freddie tisked. “I wanted to make sure you were covered in case the public ever found out. There’s procedures in place. And I didn’t tell you because you didn’t want to acknowledge our bond.”

 

Auston flinched. “Okay, I deserve that.” Realization hit him hard. “Is _this_ what you were talking about? You’re going to leave the team?”

 

“If anyone gave you any shit for it, yes,” Freddie replied firmly, giving Babs a pointed look. He took Auston’s hand beneath the table. “Your career is more important than mine. You’ve just started and I’ve had my fun. If they were going to try and bounce you for this I was going to quit. There’s no way I could play on another team and be away from you most the year.”

 

Auston swallowed around the lump of emotion Freddie’s words left. “That might still happen.”

 

“We’ll deal with that then, like we’re dealing with this.” Freddie laced their fingers. “But I don’t think that’s happening. Right, Coach?”

 

“No one’s going anywhere, kids.” Babs gestured at the media team. “But there’s still some details to work out.”

 

“The word is out.” Keogh pulled out a thick stack of papers that divided into two contracts. “Mr. Andersen has given us enough details to work with so we’ve put together a narrative.”

 

“Everybody loves a soulmate story,” Colin pushed. “They’ll love it. There are so many groups endorsing you both already. You’ve opened a whole new audience - not just for people who’ve found their soulmates, but people of the same gender and who want to play in professional sports. It’s kind of a PR gold mine.”

 

“Which is all well and good, except I haven’t heard what you boys want to do yet,” Babe pointed out. “We’ll do a press release if you want to come out.”

 

“We don’t want to publicize anything until we know what we’re doing, and even then maybe not.” Freddie moved his hand from Auston’s leg to the back of his chair. “It’s up to Auston.”

 

“It’s up to _us_ ,” Auston corrected sharply. Freddie smiled a little and his soulmate softened up. “Seriously? You’ll follow my lead?”

 

Freddie nodded firmly. Auston sighed and rubbed his eyes, thinking it over. He already knew the answer though. “I don’t want to issue any statements right now. Let’s go for no comment until the season is over.”

 

Colin was the only one who didn’t make a sour face. “Okay. Suspense can really stir up excitement.”

 

“Soulmate verification requires extensive research,” Lund said slowly like he was making it up on the fly. 

 

“Our players personal lives are just that - _personal_. Just the way I like it,” Babe wrapped up. He thumped the table with his fist and shot the media team a tight smile. “Sounds like you got your answer. Now I want you boys on that bus in an hour.”

 

o0o

 

It wasn’t until the next day in the locker room before a game that the tension really mounted. Freddie and Auston had been spending a lot of time together, mending the frayed edges of their relationship to soothe the hurts they’d left. They walked into the locker room together and every head shot up to stare at them. It was like being under the microscope they’d both feared would find them. They could feel every stare like a pinprick and Freddie immediately laid a hand Auston’s lower back.

 

Every eye tracked the movement and Auston prickled. 

 

“Are you guys soulmates?” Mitch asked softly.

 

Freddie looked to Auston and got a small nod. “Yeah.”

 

“How many cycles have you gone through together?” The question was a surprise, especially from Kadri, and it threw Freddie. 

 

“At least a hundred,” Auston deadpanned. 

 

The room went dead silent. Their pads didn’t even creak. 

 

“Shit, bro, that’s amazing,” Martin admitted, a dozen heads bobbing in agreement. JVR, Connor, and Polak all opened their mouths to ask questions but Freddie’s glare made them snap them shut again. 

 

“Can we just practice?” Auston pleaded.

 

A chorus of ‘yeah, yeah, man’ came from the guys and they all hurried to get back to dressing. In just a couple minutes the whole locker room sounded normal again and the couple relaxed.

 

As the next couple days turned into two weeks and more, they realized the team didn’t treat them any differently. Life fell back into a normal pattern after that one quiet day and they were relieved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long for this story. I've been stuff, ya know how it goes. Let me know if you're still interested in seeing where it goes!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! If you guys like it I'll write more


End file.
